Monday, March 21, 2011

DEATH

My dear beloved Aunt Mele Mapa passed away last Friday.  Slowly, one by one, the ones I love continues  to leave this world.  Hers was so unexpected.  She's only 65 years old after all.  I love Mele and her death puncture my heart as if it was my own mother.  Realizing that this world is without her is so very sad.  Knowing that you won't see them in this lifetime is so final and bereaving. 

When I was young, I was terrified of death.  It was like encountering the devil himself.  So terrible and frightening.  I never wanted it to happen to me nor to those I love.  Gradually as time goes, I begin to understand death.  That it is the only gateway out of this mortality into immortality.  No one can escape it.  Everyone must go through it.  Gracefully or kicking and screaming.  It is unavoidable, inevitable and undeniable. 

The sting of death leaves you in grief.  The absence of one so dear and close to your heart is devastatingly hollow.  The finality of it all creates a hole in your heart because it snatches those you love out of your life.  As if a glow and the warmth of a candlelight  is snuffed out leaving their place cold and dreary.   No one else can fill it or take their place.  They are IRREPLACABLE. 

Death no longer frightens me.  The absence of people I love in this lifetime terrifies me.  My family, my friends, acquaintances and all.  There are many I don't want to live without and a few who can't live without me such and my own children.  Not yet anyway.  So death for me can wait until all my children are grown and can take care of themselves.  Then and only then will I exit willingly.   Other then that, bound and gag me for all I care, I refuse to go unless I'm ready.  In my own due time.  (Wink)

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