Monday, May 30, 2011

MEMORIAL DAY

We visited the cemetery to take flowers to all our beloved who have passed on.  I have missed visiting with them.  Especially my father-in-law and my auntie Ana.  As I placed the flowers on her stone and put a figuerine of an angel and a little girl, I couldn't help but feel so much love for Ana.  She was an angel and I couldn't help but wondered if she was watching us as we come to see her.  Do they even have time to watch over us?  Nevertheless, visiting brings back precious memories of all their goodness and services. 

I learn the value of hard work from my father-in-law.  I also learn the value of helping others.  He was the greatest example of selflessness.  It didn't matter who needed the help or when the help was needed, Eneasi made sure he volunteers his time and energy to helping others.  My aunt Ana, on the other hand, labored from morning 'til night in serving me and the rest of my brothers and sisters.  Wash our clothes, clean our rooms, I didn't need to do anything for she was always there to make sure she picks up after me and that I have clean clothes.  Sometimes I wished that I'd shown more appreciation for her.  I wept like a baby when she passed because I knew how much I will miss her. 

How significant the roles of those who have passed on in our lives.  Especially those who gave their lives for
our freedom and for this beautiful land.  Their sacrifices will forever be remembered and will live on in our memories forever.  Thank you to all who have passed on.  Those we knew and those we don't.  We love you and God bless us all until we reunite once again.

HANG IN THERE

Anthony Robbins said in his "Awaken the Giant Within" book that if you want pleasure in your life, you have to plan for it.  If you don't plan for pleasure, you will not have it.  I also find that when I plaster that smile
on my face even when I'm down in the pits, that it does work.  It just brightens up my darken moods and my bottled and tangled emotions. 

My main worry these past few days is for my Sisilia.  She's going through a relationship that seems hauntingly unclear.  I don't know which of us feels the heavier weight.  Her or me.  I feel her and what she's going through and as much as she is in denial with it all, I know she hurts.  This guy, is exactly the type she needs, has strung her up and leave her hanging.  I think she's lost within her own jungle of emotions.  But enough said about that, if he thinks he's too good for her then he's got another thing coming.  Sisilia is a gem, perhaps a little rough around the edges but she's going to be a prize for any man if he can tie her down. 

God works is so many mysterious ways.  I've been in despair trying to figure out a solution for our finances but Heavenly Father has a way of coming through every single time.  Just when I'm about to loose it, He comes through for me.  For my family and it just tells me how little faith I have in Him.  Everytime we have a crisis in my life, I sometimes forget that God has the power over all the earth.  Under, above and beyond.  So I am grateful and I want to shout Hallelujah to Him for saving me and my family in every twists and turns of our unstable life. 

God and Anthony Robbins are my anchors as of now.  What I read in Tony's book has helped me stay focus and remain saint.  That "this too shall pass".  If only for a moment.  God just makes everything better in His own way and in His own due time.  I just need to HANG IN THERE, watch, learn and grow. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Raven

So he finally released his single.  In a single day he had over 600 viewers and that was quite thrilling.  It's amazing how this Facebook and other media business works.  You just need to know how to use them to your advantage.  "Karaline" is that name of his song and he sings it good.  This son of mine is so creative.  Especially with his music.  It's catchy and fun to listen to, not to mention clean.  Something that everyone from kids to adults can listen to and sway to.

Fusi did the artwork and I'm so pleased that they work together as a team.  My son is happiest when his wife is happy and I love that about them.  I pray all my children will find love like "that" in their own marriage.  Lately there's been so many broken marriages from families that I've known and it's sad.  I want my children to marry once and make it work.  It takes a lot of work to make a marriage last and for it to be a happy one at that.  They need to make the right choice.

As for my Memoir, I haven't sent out the Query yet 'cause I'm working on correcting and rewriting.  I want to make sure that my manuscript is ready when they want to see it.  I don't want to send the query and when it's time for them to see the  manuscript that it's still not ready.  So much to do but I seem to be dragging my feet.  Time is money and money is what I lack. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Memoir

I think I am ready to start sending out the query letter for the Memoir.  It's been too long and I've always known the right time will come.  It's been over two years since I've worked on my book.  Something has always come up distracting me from really finishing it up.  Now, I have run out of excuses and have recently wrote the query.  It just needs to be typed out and  send  out.

I'm set up to work from home starting tomorrow.  Boy it's about time.  I love it because I can write in between calls.  We have been so slow lately that they've been volunteering people off.   My job is so convenient 'cause it allows me a lot of privileges.  Especially when it come to my writing. 

Like it's been said before, luck plays a minute part in this journey.  If anything should happen, it will happen because of hard work, relentless toil and adamant determination.   Something I've been lacking recently.  No matter, I am thrilled and excited to begin the process once again.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Reminiscense

Woke up early this morning to go and bath my mother as it is Sunday and visitors always come out to see them.  I entered their room and  they were both asleep.  My father on his favorite couch that he took days to fix and my mom on her hospital bed.  I bent down to kiss her haunted with the familiar sense of guilt because I don't spent enough time with her.  Yes, I come in and out of their room every day but not long enough to really see how she's doing, how her day is going.  I looked at her this morning and remembered the woman, the mother she use to be.  Always working and so full of life.  Now, unable and an invalid and her only consolation is the presence of my father by her side and her little Mele Tupou.  She woke up, looked at me, smiled and I wanted to weep.  How can I make her see just how grateful I am for the fact that she is still alive and breathing.  A few times I've heard her cry for death.  I don't blame her.  I would be praying for death if I was in her shoes.  As much as she has been wishing for death I have been pleading with God to let her live.  Let me serve her a little longer, let me give back just a fraction of what she has given me.  Yet, I continue to question if I am doing enough for her at all.  My father does everything for her. I only make sure I cook their food and every now and then, change her diaper and clean their room.
My mother leaves a legacy of faith, love and hard work.  She worked for everything we had when we were growing up.  We had the best of everything and now I can't even provide her with a decent pair of socks.  I am trying and I still need to try harder.  They deserve more then what I am able to give them now.  I only hope that their day will come soon before they exit this life.   

Thursday, May 19, 2011

James

My best friend Julie's son, James has been diagnosed with a rare type of bone cancer and is going through chemo right now.  I can not imagine what they must be going through during this time of grief and acceptance.  I cry every time I talk to Julie.  She is strong but the strain of her oldest son's sickness is evident in her voice no matter how much she tries to hide it.  She said to me, "Sela, I feel like I've just aged 10 year older".  The agony and pain of trying to be strong for him has to be overwhelming and unbearable, but, she finds comforts in praying and in fasting.  Also, in friends and family visiting.  It's times like these that I wish I can just get up and leave to be with her and James but money and work defeats wishing.
James is 19 years old.  So young and strong.  He tries so hard to be strong for his mom.  After the first session of his Chemo, Julie said he hasn't eaten since Thursday and he is starting to loose his hair.  He has also been throwing up.  I don't know what to say because has James been my son, I would be a devastated mess.  Julie had endured through cancer with Jame's dad Ben.  Now she's going through it again with her son.  Could I ever be as strong as Julie?  I don't know but I know Julie is just trying to survive from day to day.  Her heart is wrenching with love for her son and trying to remain positive.
The doctors have never revealed to her what stage of Cancer James is in.  All she knows is that they are giving him the strongest dose of chemo and that the tumor is very aggressive in growth.  Before they can remove the tumor they have to try to shrink it.  It will be 9 weeks of chemo session and I pray to God James will survive this.   Poor Julie, nothing anyone can say can help ease her pain nor her worries.  She deserves a second chance with James and James deserves to live.  Who am I to decide though?  God has  a purpose for everything and I told James this.  We don't know how this is going to turn out but we have to remain hopeful and have faith that James will survive this.