Unaccustomed to seeing her fall apart, I nearly panicked. And I never panic. I've yet to witness my daughter loose all control of her senses and resolve to weeping. Shoulders quivering and head shaking. She has always been one determine to remain strong, immovable and unaffected by anything. To see her crumble and breakdown to crying like a baby stirred the motherly protectiveness in me wanting to make everything alright for her.
Words got to me while I was serenely occupying my obnoxious "Fahu" roll during my niece 'Ana Seini's wedding. At first I didn't think anything of it. But towards the back of the Gym I saw her walking back and forth. Shoulders hunching with her head down. Numerous times. I decided to go to her. In the bathroom her eyes were red and smeared in mascara. She was devastated. "Mom, someone took my purse. It had all my rent money in it". Feeling so sad for her, I inquired, "How much honey?" "All my pay check mom. $600 and it was the money I was going to give dad to help with our rent. I worked for that money mom." I hugged her to me and said, "Sisilia it's ok. We'll manage. We always have. Let it go". She released me and put both hands to her face and just wept bitter tears.
I stood there feeling confused for I've never witnessed her in this sort of predicament. To let down her guard and pride and resolve to weeping. Worried I reached out and stroke her back and kissed her head. "Everything will be fine honey. You'll learn this life is full of disappointments but everything will work out." We looked everywhere in the bathroom, locker room, asked everyone but no one has seen it. My heart was heavy for her. But I wanted her to know how to deal with disappointments and failure. This girl hates failure. She refuses to submit herself to anything that might label her a failure. The reason for that can make a book in itself and I'm writing a book on her.
Eventually, the evening ended in the most joyful note. A female janitor, whom she repeatedly asked before, was carrying her purse outside towards the parking lot. There was a phone in the purse that for some reason, Sisilia was prompted to call. (Her little cousin Weezy's phone) From the outside of the building and through the glass door, she saw lights blinking. Instantly she knew it was the phone that was inside her purse. She ran inside to intercept whoever was carrying the bag just to discover it was that same janitor she had asked numerous times before if she saw her purse. Whether or not the janitor was lying we'd never know. But we ended up dancing and going crazy on the dance floor with her. That beautiful laughter and smile was back in her eyes and it felt good to see her happy once again. As mothers, what we desire most from our children is that they are truly, blessedly happy in their lives. And to be able to cope with life's challenges, trials and tribulations.