I've shunned feeling appalled by her indifference. Her disregard for her God-given talent guts me and almost always reduces me to tears every time we discuss it.
But then I thought again.
Whose dream was it anyway?
From the beginning hasn't it always been mine instead of hers?
Sisilia is 21 years old. She has been singing since she was 3. I taught her myself because I was determine that my daughter shall become a great singer. For years now we've been going back and forth. Arguing and fighting, Hollering and screaming. Pulling and pushing like a tug-of-war game. One minute we agree and the next we disagree.
First I was hysterical at the casualness of her answer every time I bring up the subject: "Mom, why do you keep bringing up something I have no passion for." No passion! I thought, how can you be so blind and deaf to what you've got. Do you know how many girls out there that would give anything to have your voice?
"Then tell me, what do you have passion for? I want to know." "What are you planning to do with your life?" I glanced at her as she shrugs her shoulders, "I don't know yet".
"You're 21 years old, you need to make up your mind what you want to do." At the same time felt my heart sinking at the unfairness of it all. I have 3 other daughters who are dying to sing like her. Who jumps at every chance they have to be asked to perform. Yet here she is, sitting on the only thing she's great at.
She is good and I'm not saying that just because I am her mother. But she moves people to tears when she sings at church and at every event she participates in. People pay for airline tickets for her so she could go and sing for them and yet, yet, here she is.
There 's really no use denying it any longer. For a while now, and as much as I hate to admit it, I DID this to her. WE did this to her. Her father and I. Pushed a tid too hard and a tad too long. She's simply burned out. Exhausted and worn out. Now that she's old enough, she's fighting back and saying NO.
So for now, for now I'll bite my tongue and bid my time. Allow her to map out her life the best way she sees fit. Never mind that she has been blessed with a voice of an angel. Forget that she has an instrument that can touch lives and change lives. It's her time.
and it's all up to her.
I'm not giving up hope on Sisilia. I know one day she'll eventually realize what the Lord has blessed her with. A very special gift. And if she doesn't, then who am I to judge her. Her story always remind me of the story in the new testament. The parable of the man who gave out talents to his servants. To one he gave five, another he gave two and the last he gave one. The first two doubled their shares whereas the last one, buried it. Failed to make an attempt to even try.
I pray that my daughter will come to realize what a great gift she's been given. I shudder to think that she might never realize her potential. The year she graduated from high school, their theme was from a quote by Nelson Mandela:
"There is no passion to be found playing small--in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."
Need I say more?
Special thanks going out to Shell for her "Pour your heart out Wednesday".