In two days I will no longer wear my black clothes to mourn my mother's death. It will be exactly a year this coming Tuesday, June 4th since she passed away. For 365 days, I've wore nothing but black. It is our customary Tongan way of mourning a father or a mother is to wear black for either 6 months or one year. My sister and I decided that it was appropriate to wear our mourning clothes for a year because she is our mother and she has done so much for us and sacrificed so much for us.
This past year I felt so much closer to my sister than I have ever done before. Our mother's death has strengthen our bonds as sisters and deepen our love for each others. I can't help but realize just what a lousy older sister I have been to my two younger ones through the years. I have been so selfish and self-centered because as the oldest, I was spoiled and used to having things my way. Lorna is an amazing person and I'm glad that we're much closer now. I love her.
Since our mother passed, I've only seen her in one dream. She was so young and beautiful. My sister seems to be having constant dreams of our mother as if she communicates with her on a monthly basis or so it seems. She sent messengers or speak to her herself. By the way my sister describes her dreams, our mother is involved is some very important and time-pressing work. She is very busy.
Removing my mourning clothes does not mean I'm going to stop mourning my mother. I miss her tremendously and it seems that I think more about her now then when she was alive. It's weird but everything reminds me of her as a mother, a daughter and a wife. There's always some new sense of awe and gratitude when I think about her.
I don't know if I'm going to miss wearing black. My body is ready to wear some light, summery clothes. The only problem is, I have no other color clothes so I need to do some shopping. I love my MOMMY! I look forward to the time where I will see and meet her again. I sure do miss her.