Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Somewhere I'll find you" Phebe Hanson

Funny how bits and pieces of your childhood comes afresh in your mind whether you're reading or watching a scene in a show or listening to certain songs that takes you back somewhere in your life and reminds you all over again of distinctive persons, places and incidents.  It was such this morning when I was reading Garrison Keillor's "Good Poems for Hard Times".  A piece by Phebe Hanson, "Somewhere I'll find you".  Every now and then I feel like a little modern poetry so I grab the book and read randomly.  Mr. Keillor says that it's, "A book to be put on the kitchen table or the bedside table or the toilet tank, (and that's exactly where I was) where you can keep running into it."

There was one particular family in my neighborhood back in the island, where the father was the village's "head minister" (stake president).  They had about 11 children and all were forbidden to set foot inside any movie theaters, dances or anything that wasn't spiritually uplifting.  They were advised that it was sinful and evil so they were tabooed.  It seemed to me their only entertainment was going to church on Sundays and it sure made me glad I had my parents.  Both my parents were notorious movie goers and entertainment seekers.  My father especially made childhood fun and unforgettable.  Movies on weekends, picnics, swimming, visits to friends or relatives, drive around the island, or trip to his work.  He'd take us riding on his tractors, plows, excavators and catterpillars. 

Well, typical of one bonded with mental shackles and chains, their daughter naturally became rebellion.  She'd never come inside the dances or theaters but she'd be climbing the trees outside the buildings peeking in.  She was often caught smoking, drinking and Lord only knows where she got such stuff from.  Even making out somewhere in the bush with different boys.  My ex-boyfriend was one of them.  (Before he became my boyfriend)  Of course we'll hear all about it because we had such a tiny village that if you dare to sneeze, everyone will hear.  The whole village knows when she's being disciplined because she'll get a good licking with the belt outside their yard.  So when she yelps in pain, mostly everyone knows why and those that didn't wondered what she'd done now.  To this day she has yet to recover.  She's still rebellion.  Problem marriage, hasn't settled down, partying and clubbing and still giving the parents hell.  May be someday, somewhere, she'll find herself.  But the reading this morning took me back to those days of childhood plays and a carefree life.  Her name was Eita (Edith) in English and that girl can raise hell anywhere everytime. 

I remember, one day going to see if she can play.  (Her mother sometimes was unable to hide her disapproval when I'd come to their house.  She thinks I should be home doing chores and not come around to distract their daughter from hers)  Eita was sweeping out this filthy dirt mixture of trash with water and then picking it up with her bare hands all muddy and watery.  I was groused out but she seemed to have read my mind.  So she looked at me pointedly and said, "My mom said as long as it was not (sh--) that it's ok to pick it up 'cause you can always wash your hands after".  I remember that to this day. 

Monday, August 29, 2011

River Rafting

It was one of those dreams that was just beyond the horizon for me.  Numerous times I'd see them floating down the river when we leave for ward camps or family reunions' camp and I'd envy them for being able to do that.  River Rafting.  This past weekend, my son and his wife made it possible for all of us to experience for the first time ever in our lives, River Rafting.  We had two rafts and my son Leveni was the captain of one and my brother-in-law, Veni, was the captain in ours.  Veni is crazy.  He got us yelling "Hip hip Hooray" throughout the entire time.  I had us singing "Row Row Row your Boat" and everyone around us were laughing and probably thought we were all crazy.  The thrill of river rafting had us a little bit roudy and loud.  It was spectacular and that water, that water was perfectly cold enough to freeze us in an extremely hot day. 

Our family and my sister-in-law's family (Neitas), plus my mother-in-law.  It was sweet seeing that she's able to get around and enjoying life.  She's in extreme fragile health as she has recently been diagnosed with a form of blood cancer and will undergo chemo next month.  Her unwaverling faith strengthens us as she leaves everything to God's Hands.  I love my mother-in-law. 

This past weekend was Heavenly.  Time spend with people I love doing something I love to do.  I'm in my element when I'm camping.  Nature speaks to me and I listen to it.  So magnificent and mysterious.  So beautiful and serene.  My son and his wife did an awesome job hosting.  I love them both so dearly.  I anticipate another day of going river rafting again.  What an experience.   

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Do you drive like you live?

Could the way we drive our cars manifest the way we live our lives?  Our true characters reveal themselves when we are behind the wheels of our vehicles.  Let me categorize please:

Careful and Cautious:  These are the ones that never gets the traffic tickets.  They don't text or talk on the phone when they drive.  Their seatbelt are always on.  They only nod back if you catch their attention and don't dare lift one hand to wave.  If they need to use the phone, they pull over to the side of the road.  They go speed limit all the time and occassionally under because they are being very careful.  Tip Toe you know.  Right on target.  They look to the left and to the right before turning and always have their blinker on when they turn.  Totally focus on the road and they never go beyond the speed limit because they make sure they have enough time to reach their targetted destination without having to speed up.  My daughter in law is one of them and I love her for it.  Just sometimes I wish she could speed up a little bit.   

Careless and Carefree:  They do as they please.  Text and talk on the phone while driving.  Even watch videos on their ipod while they drive.  They drive over the speed limit and sometimes under the speed limit holding up traffic while they text and talk.  They doze off to sleep while they're driving and don't seem to mind running over every pothole on the road.  They just don't give a fig.  Speed up when the yellow light almost turns red and they tend to roll on the STOP signs and stop on the YIELD signs.  They don't pay attention.  Instead of watching the road ahead, they constantly check out the nearby vehicles or look over the store locations, stare at the by standers and try to read emails instead of focusing on the drive.  They blame other people for their mistakes. They often almost run into something because they don't stay focus and had to overstep on the brakes shortening the life span of the brakes.  My husband is one them. 

Reckless and Demented:  They have a devil-may-care attitude and think they own the road.  Cut through traffic daringly and they are in a hurry even when there's nothing to hurry to.  Run RED lights, roll STOP signs if not run or ignore it all-together.  Text and talk on the phone and don't care who they cut off when they drive.  They don't slow down, they just make sudden stops and they go 10 miles over the speed limit all the time.  Heaven forbid if anyone wants to get ahead of them, they'll race them or speed up and they never, never allow anyone to bud in infront of them even when there is a "merging" sign on the road.  They are the honk-users and flip off doers and cuss-you- out abusers!  Honk at everyone, cuss at anyone and flip off someone every now and then.  When one is slow to turn, they honk.  When another driver is slow to proceed on a green light, they honk.  Honk and scream then let out a curse word as they stick their head out while giving them the finger.   Their whole life is a rush rush.  My daughter is one of them.

The In-betweeners:  I am one of them.  I admit, I'm a little bit of all the above but, I never cuss.  NEVER! When I'm running late, I tend to be a little bit reckless and demented.  I only do honks when a driver sits there sleeping or texting and talking when the lights turn green.  I honk loud and long to startle and wake them out of it.  Laughingly knowing that I just tripled their hearbeats.   I rarely text while driving but I tend to briefly talk if no one is around to answer the phone.  I'm always gentle on my brakes and only do tailing when one is going under the speed limit.  I'm always careful not to roll the STOP signs and never to run a red light.  Sometimes I have my seatbelt on and sometimes not.  I'm considerate however, if one needs to pass infront of me I'll let them.  I only do speed ups when I'm running late for something important. 

Saturday, August 20, 2011


The KSL 102.7 radio station talked about the shuttle that's getting ready to go on a mission to the planet Mars.  Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to the brilliant discoveries and explosions of technology these days.  There are no boundaries, anything is possible and it's dazzling and amazing.  We just need to stay informed and educated before we get left behind.  Who would have thought we'd be destining for Mars.  The knowledge that a man had walked on the moon alone just blew my mind.  I would stare at the moon and the thought that humans have walked on it astounded me.  Back when I was a young girl, I'd gaze at the stars marveling at the mystery and the beauty of it all. Wondering what's out there.   Now everything is slowly unfolding before me. 
Among the things that will be included in this trip are vegetables for eating and for planting.  Vegetarians suggested that everyone should be Vegetarians themselves since it's easier to take vegetables to Mars instead of taking cows and chickens.  There's a point there but since cows and chickens can fit too, why not include them also?  Might as well take them along to Mars.  I remember growing up in the island, we'd rarely eat meat.  Vegetables, fruits and leaves were bounteous but meat was indeed rare.  Once a week we'd have meat and that would be on Sundays after church.  I'd be sitting in church with my mouth salivating and watering for whatever meat mom and dad have prepared for dinner.  It was a treat.
As for the cows and chickens, Why Not?  If there comes a time where I'd walk in Mars, I'd like to see cows, chickens, horses and all graze by the side of the road.  We don't want to live in a world without any of our animal friends. 


Friday, August 19, 2011

Fly of all things...

Never in my life have I known or seen anyone scared to death of tiny, helpless little creatures.  I heard her screeching from my bathroom shower like a chimpanzee and had to drop everything so I can sprint to see what's ailing her.  "Mom! Mom, come here!"  again and again.  Panic edged her voice as I got closer.  I opened the bathroom door and she pointed to the window, "There, mom, kill it, it's a huge fly.  Kill it please mom it's scaring me.  It's going to kill me"  I wondered how the hell she gets an idea like this.  She must have been watching too many scary movies.  And how the heck is a tiny fly going to gobble up or even kill an overgrown, almost 150lbs girl.  "For goodness sake you're a thousand times bigger then the fly!  It can not kill you.  Let alone eat you".  Is this girl serious.  "I'll get the fly swatter".  She yelps "No mom don't leave me".  I said "
"Wait a darn minute, I have to grap the fly swatter".  So I ran and got the fly killer and ran back to the bathroom before she hyperventilates.  This girl is nothing like her mother.  I am fearless when it comes to worms, bugs and creatures.  What scares me are snakes, slithering specimen and sea creatures. 
I hit the fly and missed.  It flew right to her inside the shower and she's screaming like crazy shaking her wet hair all over the place.  The fly flew out over the shower and I hit it again and missed.  That really pissed me off.  The third attempt squashed the bug and I pretended to throw it over to her inside the shower.  Just to get a kick out of it.  Of course her shrieking was louder then ever as I yelled, "I'm just kidding, it's out here."  I swap it up and showed her."  Dang, she calmed down but I just couldn't believe she's scared of a fly of all things. I don't get this and it dawned on me that this girl will never survive if she lived in Tonga.  Bugs, Creatures and all is our everyday companion. 
I left to pick up my husband from work and the first thing I hear upon my return was Patiola "Mom, I saw the most disgusting thing to-day."  I looked at her and asked, "What did you see honey?"  "I saw two flies mating in our house Mom.  They are expanding and they will take over our house."  For reals!  This girl is killing me.  I have to take in the fact that Pati was a primmy and the doctors say that she'll be a little slow thinking when she grows up.  She's beautiful though.  But just a little, tiny bit slow.  She does bring excitement everyday into our home. 


We don't do Family Vacations, We Do Family Reunions!

It's Friday afternoon and as I entered the Living Room, my two younger daughters, Mele and Papi, bombarded me with questions and complains. 
"Are we doing anything fun to-day?"  One grumbled
Pouting the other one stated:  "Man, mom, we haven't done anything fun this Summer and it's almost over."  Obviously, they've forgotten about the Family Reunion back in March.  That was our Summer fun for the year accept we had it a little early because of the flying benefits.  We had to go to Hawaii during the off season because most of us were using buddy passes from friends and family members.
"What are you talking about?  We did something fun back in March.   We went to Hawaii.  Remember?  (Even if its only EONS ago, the fun is suppose to last year round.)  We're also going river rafting next week.  So you'll have your fun before school starts."
"But school will start already by that time mom" one disagreed
I countered "Well you need to make your own fun, don't wait for fun to find you because that will never happen."  They didn't get that remark and I don't expect them to.  Sometimes I say things to the children that completely misses the mark.  They drove me to it too.  Plus, with all the Reunions we have every year, that should make up for the Vacation time.  We're Tongans after all and Tongans don't do Vacations.  We do Family Reunions and count those as Vacations.  And as for fun, these kids don't know how to have fun even if it bites them on the nose. 
They can:    Play hide and go seek
                  Run or walk around the block
                  Climb a tree outside
                  Camping out in the yard at night, especially tonite since it's Friday.
                  Reading is fun
or I can always drop them off at the Rec. to go swimming while I exercise.  Lord knows it's way pastdue for that. 
All these are free and fun becomes funner when it's free.  Who needs family vacations when there's family reunions anyway. 

What School Shopping?

A few days ago one of my daughters inquired, "So mom, when are we going to go school shopping.  School is next week you know?.  Overhearing the question, my oldest son Leveni, having visited, turned to her with an incredulous look on his face,
"What school shopping?  We never had school shopping when we were little." 
My first set of children always think that the second set of children gets it easier then them when they were growing up.
"Mom, you never let us talk like that!"
"You guys are spoiling these kids."
"Are you going to let them get away with that?"
"This is messed up, you guys never let us do that when we were kids."  And it goes on and on.  How we were harsher, firmer, more discipline with them.  It makes me laugh out loud all the time.  What do they expect?  We were just greenies as parents, therefore, panicky, nervous and over protective.  It was our first experiences and we really didn't know what we were doing.  Plus we were broker (yes broker). 
So we still are broke but I can manage to squeeze in a pair of pants and shirts or two for each of the younger kids.  And not from the DI either.  Only from the CLEARANCE racks at certain stores.  Affordable ones that is.  (I make it a rule never to pay full price for anything)  At least for the first 2 days of school that is.
Mahonrai on the other hand, doesn't care less whether he gets anything new, as long as it's wearable and decent to school.  Then I heard a response from my youngest, Beverly, "Kelly and Emily goes school shopping, why can't we?"  Then another daughter said "I demand school shopping!  Nothing fits me anymore!" 
On Facebook I read a comment that says something like "You know you're a Tongan when you don't go school shopping."  Why break the tradition?  Plus we truly can't afford school shopping.  I always have to remind the children, "You guys should be grateful you still have clothes on your backs.  Look at those poor children in Africa!  They're starving and are naked"  This should produce enough guilt within them not to demand so much. 
Then I hear another one whines, "But we are not in Africa or Tonga, we are in America!"  Greeeaaat.  America where we have to pay rent, utilities and gas because, unlike the small Tonga, the distance between point "A" and "B" is just too far to walk.  We have to have gas...  Then all at once the girls put up a big old fuss tattling back and forth on why they need to go school shopping.  I have to say something otherwise, they'll drive me insane with their whining.  "OK!  I yelled, I'll start my second job next week so we can have enough money to do school shopping!
on my very first pay check.  That will be Sept. 7th." 
"Whaatt, we have to wait that long for school shopping?"  I'm thinking, "You're lucky you don't have to wait 'til Chrismas for school shopping!"
"Oh but who's going to be home when we get home from school mom?"  
Well Flippity Flip, this is where I'd shrill with joy had there been two of me.  One to work and one to stay home and cook, clean, throw in laundry, kiss the owees and read good night stories without falling asleep, secure the premises, make sure there's a baseball bat or something in case intruders come and then fall into bed exhausted.  Last one to go to sleep and the first one up.  Especially when your husband plays "handicapped".  Huh.  They will get their school shopping, but not on their time.  It'll be on mine. 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

"Do What I Say, NOt What I Do!"

     One Sunday morning finds me howling and screaming for my unfound shoe.  Being heavy with child #4, I couldn't properly bend down to look under the bed or anywhere else searching for my lost shoe.  This time our roles were switched, the kids were ready and I'm hobbling back and forth, like a mad woman, looking for my one and only shoe that fits.  When I'm pregnant, my body expands with extra water (in denial) not wanting to acknowledge "fat".  Perhaps they made up water to make women feel better about gaining weight with pregnancy.  Fooling ourselves that our bodies will be flat again once the baby shoots out.  What a joke!  Anyway, my feet gains two more sizes so it's hard to find oversize shoes that fits me comfortably.  These shoes were my one and only.  
     Frustrated that I couldn't find my shoes, I shrieked at the kids to help me locate them.  At the same time, reprimanding myself for being such a careless, unorganized pregnant mother.  My oldest son frowns in aggravation as he searched under the bed saying, "You always tell us to put away our shoes mom, so we can find it in the morning and why don't you put away your shoes?"  Good question. Why didn't I?  And who gave him the right to scowl at me?  I'm the mother here!  As mindless as I've been with thousand other things occupying my days, don't I deserve to be forgetfull at times.  (No excuse)
    I turned to my son, pointedly saying to him , "Just do what I say son, don't do what I do!"  It sounded so ridiculous to my own ears.  How's that for being a good example and role model.  I laughed about it later but the reality of it all is "Actions always speaks louder then words"  If you talk the talk but don't walk the walk, it'll be all in vain.  A big show that children will always pick up on.  I always have to be cautious of what I say that it matches what I do.  These children don't miss a thing. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


25th Anniversary Gemstone -- Silver is the metal most noted for the twenty-fifth anniversary due to its radiance and brilliance
Yesterday was our 25th anniversary.  Feels like we've been married forever.  We had a fun dinner as Sisilia and Brit joined us after Sione's work.  We decided that Chilli's will do as we had one vehicle to pick up Mo from practice and drop off Brit afterwards.  Started with dessert, then appetizer and then the main dish.  I was already full by that time. 
That daughter of mine sure know how to light up a party.  After we ate she wanted to play the "Newly Wed game".  Her and Brit looked up these questions to ask us.  "This will show how much you guys still love each others".  All the while giggling and excited.
There were 10 questions all together.  5 for me and 5 for Sione.  We ended up tied for 1 out of 5 each. 
"How many boyfriends did mom have before she dated you?"
"What quality does mom admire most about you?"
"Where was you first kiss?"
"What do you do that mom hates the most?"
"Where's a vacation place you would love to go that she would hate for you to go to?"
"What's the first movie you watched together on your first date?"
The final questoin she asked with enthusiasm. "If you guys get this right, it'll show that you guys still love each other". 
"Who's the brainier of you two".  Of course we both agreed on that answer.  It was
was "moier".  She squeals and delivered, "Haha you guys still love each other."  I just looked at her and smiled.  I was glad they came along spicing up our anniversary dinner.  We ended up spending more then I wanted to spend but it was definitely worth it.  After 25 years of marriage, we deserve a little craziness.  Reminded me on our honeymoon dinner.  We spend almost $200 or over that for a lobsters dinner.  Ridiculous but we didn't know it after we were done eating. 
     After 25 years of marriage I still have so much more to learn about being a good wife, mother and being an overall good woman.  So much refinement still needs to be made but I'm still working on them.  A good marriage requires hard work and a lot of nourishment to the square.  Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.  Willingly of course.    

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Remember the Spinning Wheels!

 My son Leveni related to Fusi one of the many incidents that was truly funny back in his high school days.  Here is my version:

     Remember when those spinning wheels were the "in" thing?  I was fascinated by them and anticipated slapping some fake ones on our long, gigantic 12 passengers' van.  Of course we couldn't afford the real ones.  My oldest three, Leveni, Leli and Sisilia, thought they were hideous but it seems everyone was into it.  Especially the Mexicans. 
     One day, my wheels lacked two hubcabs.  One must have fallen off on the road and one couldn't stay on.  I saw it as an opportunity to shock the hair out of my children and throw some spinning hubs on.  The whole time I was at the shop picking which hubcaps to put on, I was tickled to death, scarcely containing myself from laughing hysterically because I already know what will happen when I get home. 
     True enough, just as I expected, without any disappointment on my part.  Windows were thrown open as shaking heads were sticking out, wide eyed with screams of disapprovement and disbelief.  I wasn't even properly parked yet.  They were High Schoolers still afterall.
"What the heck Mom?" yelled one.
"Are you trying to ruin our life woman?", another one screamed
"I'm not riding on that to school, from now on I'm walking!"
"Take it off Mom..."
"I can't believe you put that on our van mom..."
"What are you trying to do Mom?"
     All kinds of disapproving comments and it was a shocker.  They shook their heads yet there was laughter in their eyes when they surveyed the hubcaps, touching and looking.  Looking at me as if I was demented.  Questioning me thinking I don't know what I'm doing.  I had a blast just looking into their eyes and spurting out thunders of laughter. 
     About two days after, I noticed my sparkling spinners were'nt spinning.  Dang it but I just barely paid for all four of them.  As I tried to identify the problem.  I saw grey ductape as I drew closer.  Someone has gone out of their miserable way to tape my spinners so they wouldn't spin.  Boy I was furious.  How dare they mess with my spinners.  I removed the ductapes and of course scowled at my children.  I knew exactly who did it. 
     My three weren't kidding around.  They avoided that van like the plague.  Only when they had to have a ride did they get on it.  They couldn't get me to take them off until I was well and ready for them to come off.  Naturally, after a few months, they all fell off one by one.  Cheap hubcaps.
  They still remember those days and have so much fun talking about it now.  It wasn't fun for them back then but looking back, we all have a good laugh talking about it.  Fun times.  They do remember everything. 

Monday, August 8, 2011


"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."  Samuel Beckett

I scanned the results over and over again wanting to see a different outcome only to be assured otherwise.  Each time with groaning disappointment.  Not even placed on the top ten!  Once again, to my great dismay, another failure.  I entered her in the recording competition feeling so sure that even if she didn't win, she can at least be on the top 10.  Not even that.  Slowly shook my head in sinking disbelief wondering if it's only me that can see the magnificent talent my daughter Sisilia  has.  Are they deaf? 

Well, what is one more failure anyway?   Didn't Thomas Edison fail a thousand times in developing the light bulb?  Bethoven was called "hopeless as a composer" by one of his music teachers.  Albert Einstein was labelled as being "mentally slow"  by one teacher and Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team and the list goes on and on and on......Henry Ford, Darwin, Freud, Dr. Seuss's first book was rejected 27 times.  How about Stephanie Myers?  Rejection, dejection and yet they made that come back over and over again.   They did not give up. 

Dare I give up?  No way in hell I'm giving up.  I like failing almost a little too much, because it just fuels the fire to make a come back again and again.  For a brief moment, I tolerate disappointment.   Only for a brief moment.  Then determination and persistent take their places once again and I'm refueled, refined and ready to go at it AGAIN.  I only hope my daughter won't be defeated so easily.  Ater all, she is her mother's daughter and I have developed an immune system that steels out the stings of failure. 

Another day, another chance, another opportunity.  As Winston Churchill puts it,  "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up."

Thursday, August 4, 2011


"For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also."  Matthew 6:21

My treasures have always been and always will be my children.  I have no worldy treasures.   Non whatsoever and don't want, need or prefer any.  Have never been interested in anything with diamond, gold and silver.  Things that don't breath.  Perhaps my origin accounts for that.  Growing up with nothing but the basic necessities and as long as I have the basic necessities taken care of and my children are happy, I'm good with that.  Treasures can be just "things", there will never come a time where "things" will be more important then "persons" and "people" in my life.  

How do I take care of my treasures?  By loving them like crazy and teaching them to be God loving, God fearing children.  That will keep them humble.  Recently I heard the country singer Lee Brice's song on the radio "Be a best friend ... overuse I love you..Dont let your praying knees get lazy and Love like Crazy.."  I love that song for it reminds me that I can never say "I Love You" enough to my children.  So every day, I make sure I say it to them.  I make sure they know just how much they mean to me.  I give them hugs and kisses and sometimes my older children think they are too old for sentimental gestures, but in my eyes, they will always will be my children. They are my gems, my heart and the epitome of my existence.

Many people treasure their nice houses, fancy cars and diamond rings.  Many people set their hearts on these material things that it becomes their only focus in life.  An OBSESSION!  They seek, breath and ready to die for them.  Sadly there is no compensation but a one way elongated street of emptiness and loneliness.  Cars and houses, diamonds and pearls won't say I LOVE YOU back.  When you die, there's no taking them with you.

So pick your treasures wisely my friends.  Some of them are right before your very eyes but you fail to see them.  If you treasures are your children, friends or families, then by all means love them.  Nurture them.  Help them and treat them with endless tender loving care.   They are precious, real and rare. 
Where your treasure is, that's where your heart is....

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


It's a monster that claws at your heart leaving you bleeding with hatred, bitterness and loathing.  The extremities of one's anger can take over good judgement, clear thinking and wipe out love instantly and momentarily.  Last night I felt that familiar grip, tugged at my heart.  It deprived me of sleep.  This time it's for my sister, who seems to have forgotten that we have a mother who is on a hospital bed still kicking and breathing.  My sister can hold a grudge like Cain against Abel in the old testament.  She's ruthless at it.  Our mother pays the price though, because she avoids coming to see her and the only consolation our mother finds, is through seeing her children and grand children come to visit her.  She lives only 10 min. away.  But for the life of me, I can't imagine how she can withstand going for so long without paying a visit to our mom. 

I try so hard to banish this sinking, miserable feeling of being angry.  It  hangs over me like a cloud threatening to pour rain upon me.  It's an ugly feeling and the more I let it dwell within the premises of my heart, the more bitterness I feel.  There has to be an outlet to direct anger.  So by blogging about it, I already feel a little better.  But can I just say that remaining angry feels like being in a dark room with no windows and no light.  Complete darkness.  Who would want to remain in darkness?  So now that I got most of my anger off my chest.  I can start the process of forgiveness and healing.  And forgive my sister for being an ignorant fool.  MOOOOO.