Wednesday, August 3, 2011


It's a monster that claws at your heart leaving you bleeding with hatred, bitterness and loathing.  The extremities of one's anger can take over good judgement, clear thinking and wipe out love instantly and momentarily.  Last night I felt that familiar grip, tugged at my heart.  It deprived me of sleep.  This time it's for my sister, who seems to have forgotten that we have a mother who is on a hospital bed still kicking and breathing.  My sister can hold a grudge like Cain against Abel in the old testament.  She's ruthless at it.  Our mother pays the price though, because she avoids coming to see her and the only consolation our mother finds, is through seeing her children and grand children come to visit her.  She lives only 10 min. away.  But for the life of me, I can't imagine how she can withstand going for so long without paying a visit to our mom. 

I try so hard to banish this sinking, miserable feeling of being angry.  It  hangs over me like a cloud threatening to pour rain upon me.  It's an ugly feeling and the more I let it dwell within the premises of my heart, the more bitterness I feel.  There has to be an outlet to direct anger.  So by blogging about it, I already feel a little better.  But can I just say that remaining angry feels like being in a dark room with no windows and no light.  Complete darkness.  Who would want to remain in darkness?  So now that I got most of my anger off my chest.  I can start the process of forgiveness and healing.  And forgive my sister for being an ignorant fool.  MOOOOO.  

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