Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A glance back at my January

When I say this new year started with a BANG, I didn't realize back then that it literally will.  This is the last day of January and I'm almost blown away by the resonating blast of the very first month of 2012:

*Husband fired from his job.  They started with laying off many employees and then started firing some of them.  He was 3 minutes late from his break.  He's filing unemployment.

*Wonderful news from my daughter Sisilia is that she is getting ready to go on her mission.  One of the best news I can ever hope for.

*Husband starts taking his insulin shots now.  He has severe gout, arthritis and diabetes.  Been down in bed for the past 3 weeks. 

*My son Mahonrai was hospitalized for a whole week with Pneumonia and some kind of bacteria in his blood.  Came home with a Picc line and that was removed last Thursday.

*My daughter Sisilia was asked to sing in California so we were both sent tickets to fly there for the past weekend as I play the piano for her.  It was a breath of fresh air.  

*My daughter Patiola had to go into urgent care last night because we thought she had breast cancer.  She complained of pain on her left breast so we took her in just to be told its eczema.  (phew what  a relief)  My mom has breast cancer and we wanted to make sure.

*I found my girls mashing Plantain bananas for pancakes instead of ripe bananas.   (Mele and Sil)  My other daughter Patiola poured dry flour into the boiling water thinking it'll turn into "topai".  One of our favorite Tongan dish.  Thus confirmed to me that they will be lousy cooks just like their mother.  

*My son started working on his Mix tapes and is totally focused on it.  For a while there I thought his talent was going down the drain.

*Good news, we finally got our W2s so we're filing our tax.  Woo hoo.  Finally some extra money to give us a breathing.

*Annoying news is that I am being requested to go onsite to work for poor performance.  With everything that's been happening, I can't help but be a little distracted from work.  

All in all, one thing that I'm always sure of and trust in, is the grace of a loving God.  With all the curves and shifts of my life, His love is always constant and He always provides.  My faith and hope in Him grows every day.  It never waivers nor will it stray. 

There is something about this new year 2012.  There's a renewal and a refining sense in me.  Like I'm being honed for something bigger to come.  Something grand and I'm excited.  January starts out rough but there's no where else to go but UP.  I'm grateful for this LIFE.  Even more grateful for my family and this amazing gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Tomorrow will be February.  January like the months of  the years before, becomes the PAST.  TIME ticks away ever so faithfully and loyally.  We need to make every moment count. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Something Funny

My sister-in-law Sarah always cracks me up.  She is my younger brother's wife and Sarah never lacks a tummy-tickling, laugh-till-you-cry story.  Most of them from her own children.  They have 12 children and life is never dull in their household:

Earlier this evening as she picked me up for song practice, she related to me that she and her son Charlie (who is 20 and goes by Chuck Norris) got into a disagreement.  Then Charlie informed her:  
"You know mom, there are two kinds of people in this world:  The sheeps and the wolves and I am a Wolf". 
Sarah retaliated:  "Then if you are a wolf Charlie, then obviously you are living in the wrong house.  This is a house of sheeps.  You can just pack your crap and get out!"   Sarah of course never means anything when it comes to reprimanding or showing anger to her children.  She's all talk but she's the sweetest momma to her children.

Her phone rang and we were inside her truck on the way to dropping me off at home.  It was her daughter Leo (18) calling to ask if she can use the $20 Sarah gave her for gas to pay for her boyfriend's movie ticket:
Sarah:  "I gave you that $20 for gas"
Leo:  (Said something in return)  Then Sarah went on:   
"Why don't you find a boyfriend that can pay instead of you having to pay for him. 
(Leo went on to say something).
"'Afa always pays...'Afa pays all the time" 
('Afa is Leo's ex-boyfriend who left to serve an LDS mission).  She gave him a "DEAR JOHN" a few months into his mission.

'Afa is Sarah's favorite boyfriend for Leo.  She had told me once that if she had it her way, Leo would be waiting with her wedding dress at the airport when 'Afa returns home from his mission.  She's been trying in vain to save Leo for 'Afa.  But it seems Leo has her own pick for a boyfriend. 

At this point, my sister Linda and I were just giggling away not wanting Leo to hear us.
Then Sarah went on, "I'm just saying Leo, you should try to find someone that can pay for you"
Leo mumbling something and then Sarah blurted out, "Well, why don't you just do yourself a favor and drop that zero and go find yourself a hero!"  My sister and I just couldn't hold it in any longer.  We busted out laughing.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


This morning he was doing so good.  Back to his sweet, burst of energy self.  My Mahonrai Teancum.  Then we took him to put in his PICC line.  Perhaps a 15 minute process and at the end, he was delusional and hallucinating.  Seeing his dead grandpa 'Eneasi and dog Sinchee.  Also, his recently deceased cousin Talai.  At first we laughed and then we cried.  He wept out loud seeming to say good bye to his dog and Grandpa.  Even Talai.  Got my husband crying but I struggle not to shed a tear even though I want to roll on the floor and sob out loud.  Pull out my hair in frustration.  God I've always been strong but when it comes to one of my kids, I'm weak like jello. 

They gave him morphine, vallium and another drug to knock him out.  Right now I cursed myself a thousand times over because he seems to be going through withdrawal.  They said the drug will have an effect on him but I'm terrified that by agreeing to have them put in a PICC line for his anti-biotic, put my son through something else altogether.  It took a while for him to come out of it.  For a few moments he was playing this Xbox Race Car game.  And then slowly he seems to be doing so poorly.  Complaining about a pinch on his chest.  They did a EKG and everything seem to be normal.  But just seeing him  weak and miserable makes me want to weep and rewind time.

I came out to write.  Get a little peace of mind before going back in to his room.  The miserable feeling of dread, fear and regret guts me.  I want my son back.  The way he always has been.  Cheery, laughing, teasing and loud.  Inside I'm such a wreck but I don't want him to see it.  I've forgotten how it felt to be so powerless and helpless.

Completely occupied with thoughts of what could have set him off like this.  In truth it should be the drugs they gave him but what if it was the antibiotic itself.  Having this weird effect on him.  So I spoke to the Doctor and the nurse about my concern and the doctor said, they'll run the antibiotic one more time before letting him go home and the nurse said that it's very rare that the antibiotic could have this effect on one.

I entered the room as he was waking up.  Already I could tell that he's gradually recuperating to himself again.  Always by his eyes and his face expressions.  "I'm hungry mom".  Thank God.  For a few brief seconds there was as tug-of-war within me and the doubts about the decision I've made and felt like a weak mother for having second thoughts about agreeing with the doctors' decision.

Waves and waves of relief floods through me as he became widely alert, hungry and consuming his favorite Wendy's chicken crispy burger.  By Golly for a moment there I was begging God for his life.  "Take me anytime"  not him and not one of my other children.  Life all of a sudden seems so empty and meaningless if I should loose one of them.  Any, one of them and it doesn't matter who.  His return made me thank God a zillion times over.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I'm always one to say, "Thy will be done" but to-day I begged,  "not yours but mine please".  So I have more time with Mahonrai it seems and then I realize again and again how precious our time with the ones we love.  Make it count.  This life and the people in it.

Friday, January 6, 2012

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

"Is she insane!  Has she gone berserk!"  Was the first thoughts that entered my mind when I saw the $12 million home flattened to oblivion.  Flattened, leveled and if I may say so , stomped, stumped and trampled upon.  And then laughter sets in as I thought of Elen.  I wanted to roll on the floor laughing at how funny this is.  Do I even blame her?   "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"S C O R N E D!  

This woman was hoodwinked.  Yes.  HOODWINKED, DUPED AND FOOLED IN PUBLIC.  Bare for the whole wide world to see.  From here until kingdom come, no one will ever forget what Tiger Wood did to her.  So, even is she seems a little insane, it must have been greatly liberating for her to destroy this $12 million mansion.  Of course, placed in her shoes, and having no money as I do now, I could be a little self-righteous and say, "I'll donate the house to the poor and needy".  But this, this tops it all.  
"Tiger Woods’ ex-wife bulldozes $12 million home".

Yes, Elen may seem a little crazy, but after going through hell, I say she has a right to be.  She received numerous hate comments on Yahoo.  About this and that, but when it comes down to it, it's her money.  Legally has the  right to it through marriage and she can do whatever the hell she wants with it.  I only wished she had saved the furnitures for me.  Lord knows we're in need of new couches this new year.  LOL.

So this weekend, we have too many things going on.  Another funeral, wedding, youth dance for the kids on top of having to work.  I love my life.  Wouldn't have it any other way except a little more money would do.  Yoo hoo is all I can say about Tiger Woods' ex-wife.  Next time you decide to destroy a $12 million dollar mansion.  Perhaps you can STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH and share your wealth with those who are less fortunate.  Peace. 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

2012 Double Bang beginning

Lesson learned about partying away New Year's Eve.  DO NOT START THE PARTY TOO EARLY!  Our immediate Toki family got together at my sister-in-law's house and we started the party right at 7:00 pm.  Good food, great music, a little too much soda and a whole lot of dancing.  Before we know it, by 9 o'clock we were all partied out and ready for bed.  So we each went home and went to sleep before it even hit midnight for the countdown.  Next year, we decided we'll start at 10pm.  That way we can stay awake for the countdown at least.

Sunday Jan. 1st, a major argument and disagreement between Leveni and a fellow musician over a song.  One I prefer to forget.  And to have it happen right on New Year's day got me bummed out.  Anything involving my children, involves me.  Things have cooled down though but not after it got me all bothered and worried about him. 

Monday Jan. 2nd, an old childhood friend died of cancer.  Diagnosed with two types of cancer.  One of them was brain cancer.  It didn't take long at all after her diagnose and a few chemo sessions before she passed away.  It made me think of the way I would want to die.  In my sleep?  In my old age free of pain and hurt.  Could I be so lucky?  Can't pick and choose, can we?  Drowning, plane crash, cancer, car crash, suicide, shooting accident, robbery, hunting accident, DUI, war, sickness, typhoon, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, fire, eaten by a wild animal in Africa (not that I'd ever go there)...Does it matter how we die?  I used to be terrified of the thought of death.  Now, because I understand the Plan of Salvation, I no longer fear death.  It's just one more door we must pass through.  Part of that great and wonderful plan that God has for all of us. 

Yesterday, Jan 4th.  My oldest son's 24th birthday.  My first experience as a mother.  I finally understood how my mother felt about me.  Like layers of foggy lenses being stripped away until I can finally see clearly'Til I felt a Mother's love for the very first time.   As every mother felt towards their own flesh and blood.  It was an eye opening experience.  I remember it as I remember yesterday.  Fresh and absolutely amazing experience.  Giving birth.  The whole new world of motherhood. 

Despite all the things that has happened these very first days of 2012, I feel this year will be a great and successful year.   There's a certainty in this that I've never felt before.  Probably because it'll be a year of hard work governed by determination and persistence.