"Is this it?" One hand was on the steering wheel as her other hand flailed in the air. I glanced at her understanding exactly where she's coming from. For the first time, I realized that Sarah, my sister-in-law, wasn't immune to depression as I thought she was.
"All day yesterday," she reflected, "I felt so down in the slump. It's the first time I've ever felt like this."
What she's describing to me sounds like pre-menopause symptoms. Sela's 43 and I am reminded of more then I care to count, times that I felt like she does right at the moment. The restlessness, depression and the unsettling feelings of living a somewhat unfulfilled life.
"Do you think you're starting pre-menopause?" I inquired.
"I don't know what it was. Don't get me wrong Sel, I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Your brother is the hardest working man any woman can ask for. He's a family man and he loves his children but for some reason I looked at my life and asked myself;
"Is this really it? Is the the Grand Finale?"
Her facial expression and hand gestures made me smile. Somehow, images of drums, cymbals and trumpets pops into mind when she refers to the Grand Finale! She didn't sound like she wanted to celebrate the Grand Finale of her life. Instead, her voice drips with uncertainty and disappointment.
"What is the Grand Finale of our lives?" I wondered. " How do we measure real happiness?"
When she said Grand Finale, I think final, done and no more progression.
I was a little surprised that I've never considered a Grand finale for me. Simply because I am a work in progress. Always striving for ways to improve myself. To become a better mother, wife, person etc, etc, etc. So it's a lifetime process that will continue until the day I die. I'm not stopping for a Grand Finale. Every day is a celebration of life for me.
There are days, however, that I do feel like Sarah. Down in the dump, but I've never consider it as final or the Grand Finale of my life. There's always that reachable star, just beyond the horizon, that I feel, just waiting on me. Any moment, minute, second now, I'll get there.
So come what may, it's up to me to make that journey joyous, worthwhile and marvelous. In other words, live every day as if it is a Grand Finale. A celebration of life itself so that if I go out unexpectedly, I'll go out with a BLAST! Like Whitney Houston's song, "One Moment In Time":
"...Each day I live I want to be a day to give the best of me..."
And that my friends, is making sure each and every day counts! And I can't say enough of this.