Monday, June 11, 2012

She's gone

For quite sometimes I've often wondered what it would feel like to loose my own mother.  I've seen people wept tears of sadness and grief on Mother's Day every year and I was always forever grateful I still had mine alive.  On Monday, June 4th 2012, I eventually lost my beloved angel mother 'Ana Patiola Fekitoa Tuita. 

She's finally gone.  A victim of breast cancer and a stroke.  I watched her until she drew her last breath and I will never ever forget that.   It was suffocating.  At the end of it all, it was a relief to see her go.  Free at last, free at last, from the bondage of sickness and diseases that both crippled and paralyzed her. 

The past few years have been rough and trying for her.  Her faith and love for her husband and children sustained her.  She endured all her trials with amazing grace and class.  My mother never once complained of pain or any discomfort up to the end.   I don't know how she had the strength to withstand all she went through without a flinch of pain or complain.  Surely this makes her an extraordinary and an exceptional human being. 

There were many times which she did cry.  Not from pain whatsoever, but from her pining and longing for her home and her children in Tonga.   From wanting to see her children here more often.  Moreover, from watching my father struggle to balance his own sickness and taking care of her.  Because my father was consistent in making sure that she's comfortable every second of the day.

I miss my mother.   Her physical presence so to speak.  However, to me, she's that star that continuously  twinkles in the night.  Still shining on us all.  That faint breeze that whirls swiftly by.  Her body may have been laid to rest.  Buried six feet under the ground, yet she still lives on in our hearts and our minds.   Her spirit lives on through us and through her grandchildren. 

I feel her everywhere I go.  I feel closer to her now then ever before.  All I have to do is say the word, "Mommy" and I'm reassured. She didn't leave us comfortless.  Unseen miracles happened through out the week of her funeral,  as we prepared programs and food for her services.  She had her hands in everything we wanted to do.  Everything fell through wonderfully. 

Until we meet again with our beloved mother, there is a great legacy she has left behind for all her posterity.  It's a legacy of faith, love, knowledge and music.   As children, it is out duty to carry on those legacies and never forget her and what she stands for. 

I love, love you mom.  I miss your lovely face and your gentle soul.  Your hands that toil to provide for us all.  The way you lift your brows to answer a question.  The way you smile through it all.  May God keep us all in His care until we meet again soon. 



  1. Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss, Sela. I lost my mom several years ago also. Your post was a lovely tribute to your mom.

  2. What a beautiful tribute to your mom and I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks goodness for the plan of salvation huh?

  3. Sela - I'm so, so sorry for your loss. She sounds like such a wonderful woman.

  4. Thank you for sharing these precious feelings with us. I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you had such tender mercies the week of her funeral and that you still feel her presence in your life.

    May you be blessed with peace, comfort, kindness, and love.

    Stopping by from SITS.

  5. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your post was beautiful as you wrote about her and your feelings. You're in my thoughts!