Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year Resolution?

For days I have been contemplating on the series of things that I need to work on this coming new year, 2013.  Reflecting on the past decades on the numerous New Year Resolutions I resolved to work on, I've never really stick to any of it.  Not even for a month!  So this coming New Year, I'm not surprised at all that I don't have a long list in hand ready to attack only on the first day of every year.   Lists are so overrated the more I think about it the wearier I get.  What I really need is a whole NEW ATTITUDE

My old attitude has been creeping me out with all the procrastinations, cowardations and debilitations.   I need a complete TRANSFORMATION.  Similar to that of some of the more common Amphibians that are able to shed the old skin and take or grow into a new one.  A total METAMORPHOSIS out of my old crappy self into a more VIBRANT, bursting with life self.  Be fearless and focus.  (This is actually getting me excited for the 2013).  Yes!

2012 has been more of a struggling year.  Growing awareness and realization.  Accepting and Forgiveness.  Having a solid assurance that there is no other way but only through God and Jesus Christ our Savior that we can survive this life.  That family and loved ones are our gems and not the glittering gold, silver and diamonds of the world.  That KNOWLEDGE is power and if I'm to make a change, I need to make goals and that lists are, after all, necessary to conquering the frailties of this feeble fatty body and mind where the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. 

With that, I could only endure to pursue a few goals this year.  Every year I'm overloaded, overwhelmed and in over my head with goals that are beyond my grasp and reach.  This year I've decided to be more realistic and set goals that through baby steps, can be reached and attained.

2013 looks promising even though we're in for a rough start.  No matter, every year it seems the only way to go is "UP"!   So here we go again.  The journey through 2013 will be nothing short of joyous, laughter and love.  At least these I'm sure of.  Finding joy in the simple things in life.  Appreciate and always, always be GRATEFUL

Thursday, December 20, 2012

"Merry go Round"

Discovering Kacey Musgraves gives me the same pleasure as the time I discovered Bethany Pierce on a library shelf.  My daughter Sisilia introduced me to her song "Merry Go Round" as I was driving her to work and instantly I became a mesmerized fan.

The lyrics and simplicity of her song drives straight to the realities and cores of most of our lives.  Like a broken Merry go Round, we live on accepting, settling, even if the shoe is ill-fitting we wear it on until it becomes familiar and comfortable.   If lucky, we can become contend in our circumstances and then eventually GRATEFUL we're not worse off then others in the same situations!

"Merry Go 'Round"

If you ain't got two kids by 21,
You're probably gonna die alone.
Least that's what tradition told you.
And it don't matter if you don't believe,
Come Sunday morning, you best be there in the front row like you're supposed to.

Same hurt in every heart.
Same trailer, different park.


Mama's hooked on Mary Kay.
Brother's hooked on Mary Jane.
Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down.
Mary, Mary quite contrary.
We get bored, so, we get married
Just like dust, we settle in this town.
On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go
Where it stops nobody knows and it ain't slowin' down.
This merry go 'round.


We think the first time's good enough.
So, we hold on to high school love.
Sayin' we won't end up like our parents.

Tiny little boxes in a row.
Ain't what you want, it's what you know.
Just happy in the shoes you're wearin'.

Same checks we're always cashin' 
To buy a little more distraction.
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack burned out on booze and pills.
And Mary had a little lamb.
Mary just don't give a damn no more. 

I couldn't help but smile at the irony behind the song itself.   The usage of the all too familiar childhood rhymes:  "Jack and Jill", "Mary had a little Lamb",  "Mary Mary quite contrary",  gives an amusing twist to how our childhoods (as it should have been, fun-filled carefree and gay) ultimately transform into the adult life of marriage, adjusting and finally settling.   "Merry Go Round" sounds and appears like a simple song yet there lay the ironies of it all.


Sunday, December 16, 2012

One gift Christmas

Just when I thought teaching my children about the true meaning of Christmas was in vain, they actually surprised me and proved me wrong.  What I thought was a long forgotten incident resurfaces as my 15 year old daughter rehearsed an event that took place a few years back where they actually received more then one gift each.  That morning after the oohs and aahs over their newly received possessions, I said:

"Okay children, since you have more then your share of presents, please pick one gift to give away".

Talk about throwing tantrums, frowns, almost kicking and screaming!! 

"No, mom we don't want to give away any of our presents!"

"Why do you do this mom!""

"Uh uh you can't do this to us mom!"   Yada Yada Yada

I admit I felt an immense stab of annoyance and disappointment.  Bloody Mary but I thought I taught these children better.  Christmas time is about giving and sharing and here they are almost doubling over hugging their gifts tighter to their chests refusing to SHARE!  These children are doomed to hell for sure!  LOL

But as they nod their heads, smile their knowing smiles one Sunday ago, I realized that they haven't forgotten that incident because we ended up sharing after all.  They have learned the true meaning of Christmas but they like to drive me wild before admitting to me that they do! 

This Christmas, they do have a real life Santa Claus.  That is their big brother Leli for this boy lavishes them their little hearts' desires.  He's just sweet like that.  Beginning of this month, these 3 girls wrote their Christmas list and Mahonrai, being the man that he is even though he's only 16, is self assured that Leli knows exactly what he wants for Christmas.  He didn't write a letter.  Letters has been delivered to his room with many squeals and giggles.  He lives with my oldest son at his house with his wife.  

As for me and Christmas.  I'll get them exactly what they need.  Like the ox cart dragging the ox. 

Shoes for all the girls, they do have holes in the ones they're wearing now.  One shoe per year for school and if that gets worn out, then we replace them.  Unless they really really can't wear it anymore and can't wait for the next Christmas.
Shoes for Mahonrai, he desperate needs them.  He's wearing slippers in the snow.  It's a good thing his got those Polynesian muscular legs to carry him through snow and summer!
A pair of jeans for the girls for they always fight over their favorite pair of jeans.
And that's about it!   As for the older children.  I have a few surprises for them.  


Saturday, December 15, 2012

Devastating Christmas

Yesterday and to-day I shed tears for the children in Connecticut.  The horrific devastation of those parents, I can only imagine.  A few times in my life, I've experience somehow the terrible panic and atrocious shock of loosing a child.  Like the one time I left my son Mahonrai at Walmart because I thought he was in the back seat of our 12 passenger van with everyone else.  We got home and after a while I noticed that he wasn't around the other children.  Then I got that call that the police have him in Walmart.  A friend of ours saw him crying as the police was questioning him.  He was only 5 or 6 at the time.  She assisted them in contacting us.  But I cursed myself a hundred times over for the negligence and it's a feeling I don't care to experience ever again. 

I wondered how they contacted the parents.  If the school got to them first or the media.  But this terribly grievous and shattering incident leaves us to contemplate the unstableness of individuals.  How psychotic and horrendous can a person turn or become.  What prone him to kill his own mother and then head to the school and massacred 20 innocent children and 6 or 7 adults!

This Christmas I will embrace and be eternally grateful for the fact that my children are happy and alive.  However, I will be in deep mourning with the parents who have lost their beautiful and innocent children.  I pray that they will find some kind of peace as their lives has been shred to pieces by this unexpected tragic tragic lost of their precious children and loved ones.

Not everyone can cope successfully with tragedy.  Some take it harder then others.  In all my child bearing days, I would be totally lost if I should loose a child.  I'm terrified to even entertain the idea of having to bury one of my children.  So to try to imagine what these parents in Connecticut are going through, is sheer torture.  All I can do is pray for them during this period of what seems to be the darkest time of their lives.  That one day,   they will emerge and bask in the light once again.    

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Just Like My Mother

It gives him endless thrill to always start up a guessing game.  Particularly when it concerns something special that occurred in school, church or during a game.  I never tire of hearing about his stories.  My son Mahonrai is a special boy and he's got the insights of a man beyond his years. 

In his Seminary class, the teacher had asked each of the students to make a list of all the qualities they would want in a spouse.  30 seconds was all that was permitted for them to write and everyone but my son, got busy with their papers and pencils.
"I looked around mom, and everyone was busy listing their qualities.  I only had one sentence to write and you'll never guess what I wrote."   His face lit up like the sun. 
Here it comes, I thought.  I had to pretend like I didn't know the answer to avoid disappointing him because by the way his face lit up, I didn't need to wonder what the answer was.  I knew.

30 seconds passed and the teacher asked the boys to come up to the board and write down their answers.  Mahonrai wrote his answer in very fine print.  Students that read his answers shot him funny looks and knowing smiles.  He gave them a challenging look that says:  "What?"  "Yes I wrote that, so what?".

When his teacher examined the board, his eyes took in the fine prints and right then and there, pointed to the board exclaiming:   "Who wrote this?"  Every eyes were on Mahonrai.  The teacher proudly declared:  "Girls, Mahonrai here is the top nominee of an ideal spouse".

"You know what I wrote mom?"  He beamed. 
I continued with the pretense:  "Umm, someone virtuous?"
"No", he shakes his head. 
"Someone lovely and beautiful?"
Again he shakes his head and said, "I wrote Just like my Mother."

Inside I almost burst with pride and joy.  What mother wouldn't rejoice in an answer like that?  How marvelous and wonderful to think that you've made a positive influence on your children.   That you do have good qualities that they see and look up to.  Even admire.  I gave him a  hug and a kiss. 
"Thank you son."  My two older boys will never stoop and admit to this.  They'll think it's too soft to admit in-front of the Seminary class.   Got to hand it to Mahonrai.  He comes straight out and say what's on his mind. 

Our Stolen Car

Nothing like waking up in the fresh early morning to an empty driveway!  First thing that popped into my mind when my son informed me was:  "Who in the world would want that piece of crap?"   I've never missed anything more then I miss our hefty crappy Tahoe right now.  It's almost like an old love.  You never know what you've got until it's gone.   Memories come flooding back of all our previous vehicles that has come and gone in and out of our lives.

Our beloved 12 passenger Chevy that use to fit 20 boyscouts.   The brand new Aerostar that my father in-law crashed into the back of my husbands old Ford truck and never recuperated from the damage.  That was years ago.  My husband's Dodge truck that got repossessed because of a title loan.  And let me not forget our little Orange 1973 Volkswagen Minivan that use to get me to work a few Winters ago.  And the list goes on and on and on.  LOL.  So we practically go through cars like we go through shoes.

This is not the first time this happens to me.  A couple years ago I took my dad to the hospital and came back out to the parking lot and his little Minivan, as old and raggedy as it has been, was gone from the parking lot.  Called the police and a couple hours later they found it down the street from the hospital with white high heels in it.  A girl must have needed a fast ride down the street.  I left the keys in there because I didn't think anyone would want to be seen in it.  Just like our van last night.  We don't see the worth in locking up and taking the keys inside the house because who would want to take it?

The disadvantages of not having a car:

*Now I have to walk the kids to school.  Really not a disadvantage because I really need the exercise.
*No more emergency toilet paper run.  Oh the joy!
*Just the thought of not being able to just get up and go whenever you want sucks
*Sisilia, my oldest is scared that she might get kidnapped.  LOL.  No chance in that happening.  She's simply too heavy to be carried away against her will.
*Now Auntie Peta won't ever want to stay home alone before someone decides to rob the house and she's defenseless.

I really do miss my car.  I do pray we get it back.  We can always get a new vehicle but that won't take the places of our old ones.  Each one claims a special place in my heart.  Just like people do.  Only things will always be things though and can never be compared to when we loose people in our lives.  I hope that whoever the thief or thieves are, may they have toothaches for the rest of their rotten lives.