Sunday, July 6, 2014

Where's the Balance?

Juggling Motherhood and two jobs can be a little straining.  Long hours and lack of sleep, I'm discovering that while I try to make ends meet financially, it does not release or excuse me from the greatest role of my life as a woman.  That is being a mother to my children and wife to my husband.  I'm finding that BALANCE, is the epic challenge.  Therefore, to sustain peace of mind and meaning to my existence, I need that balance.

My children and husband do all that they can to assist.  (Even with his failing health, he tries) Laundry, dishes, cooking but I've become so critical with a keen eye to perfection that I oversee their sincere efforts and become somehow annoyed with the imperfections of their work.  Instead of being grateful, I'm mumbling disapprovement at how things should've been done.  This and that, Yadda Yadda.

When frustration, dissatisfaction and ingratitude sets in,  a lethal toxic mood within the mind and the heart is airborne.  My home thus, becomes a battlefield of spiteful words, unconstructive criticism and energy wasting anger.  This is where self hatred and self condemn rears their ugly heads.  Then eventually, everything turns infra-structure and I turn against myself to name and count all my weaknesses, incompetence and all that I am not.  

Prayers become my only refuge.  Only, it's hard to get on bended knees when I've hardened my heart with self loathing and complains.  And yet, I know that during dark times like these, only God Himself can fix me, but I feel so unworthy of His blessings and His Love.  To find my balance, I have to  eventually lay it all down at His feet.  My ungrateful heart, through uttered pleas for forgiveness and help, is swiftly heal by His Loving grace.  In His embrace he calms my turmoil thoughts and  reassures me that being "me" is enough and all that I have, I should be grateful for.  Count my many blessings and always, always be grateful.

Gratitude is the key for my balance.  

Therefore, the BALANCE that I seek truly can be accomplished.  Not with demands for perfections, but by being GRATEFUL for everything that I have.  My family, my life and the opportunity to still live and breath.  For work to provide and a chance to still make choices.  True balance and peace comes to me by way of Gratitude.