Friday, December 16, 2016

Family brings us true Joy

I love my family.  I'm speechless when it comes to my children.  The immense love I have for them.  When they're unhappy, unsatisfied I want to make it all better for them.  My son Mahonrai said something very enlightening in our Family gathering this past Wednesday.  Something like, "every one of us can make use of the strength from all the members of the Godhead."  That we can have a special relationship with each member of the Godheads.  With Heavenly Father, who watches over us and blesses us each and every day.  With Jesus Christ who ransomed us.  Who gift us with the Atonement by his death and his blood that we may return back home to Heavenly Father.  And, with the Holy Ghost who is that great comforter and the voice of warning that helps us differentiate between right and wrong.  All of the Godheads can work for our individual benefit.  Something so vital and significant that I learned from my young son.  How is it that I'm so old and never thought of this instead of thinking of all three as a whole.  The gift of life and living is magnificent and important.  I take for granted the blessing that I have through this mortal body.  That our time here on earth with our families are limited and special.  That we should make the best of each and every moment with them.  That there is no time to be held back with grief, sadness, anger, criticism and hatred.  Yes, we will experience these things every now and then, but we need to learn to always move forward, overcome and progress.  The older I get the clearer my views are on how we need to make progress.  I'm talking about progress with our relationship with each others and how we serve and love one another.  Progress in building the kingdom of God and progress in helping his children.  As different as we are, we know what we need to do to achieve the level of progression that makes us happy and others happy.

Despite the downward spiral that our family experienced this past week with Beverly, I realize that together as a family we can lift each other up.  That together we can do anything.  There's still so much to learn as a mother and I love the lessons that life teaches me.  It's never ending.  There's always something to learn.  WE can not learn them all in this lifetime.  I know this for sure.  What I'm especially grateful for is the way I can bring my children together, even when they each have their own homes and lives to live.  We can all take time to make time for family.  That is the secret to having happy families is to "make" that time for each others.  There's going to be disagreements, arguments etc. but we mend our differences by being kind and respectful to one another.  Most of all, love unconditionally towards one another.  That is the secret to having a happy family.

Our family is growing and expanding.  If my children learn to build their foundations upon Christ and Heavenly Father, they will experience true joy in this life.  Happiness comes only when we put God first in our lives  Without that firm foundation upon God and Christ, chaos can destroy us and sadness will overcome us.  Life is to have joy and the fulness of joy only comes with God as our captain and our anchor.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Mahonrai Teancum Toki

Everything about my Mahonrai Teancum is amazing.  From the moment he hopped off the plane to this day, I'm amazed at the transformation that God and Christ have done in his life.  No longer a boy but a man with a purpose and a passion.  He loves the Lord and he finds joy in God's plan of Happiness.

Last night blew my mind.  We sat in a circle in our TV room going over a familiar problem with our dear beloved Beverly Shania.  Different people but typical circumstances.  Before the meeting last night though, we had talked to her another night before last night.  We had called her over and talked to her in the room and my husband being the loud and extremely critical person that he is, was beginning to warm up with his eyes flaring with anger and voice harsh and yelling.

I heard footsteps running in the hallway.  I knew it was Big Mo.  He was watching TV in the Living Room and must have heard his dad's voice.  He halted right outside our bedroom door, knocked and then opened the door.  His dad seeing him, calmed down a bit but continued with lashing out at Bev..."You made a mess of things, made a mess here and now making a mess of there with Silia and Misi.." Before his sentence finished, Mahonrai interrupted, "No dad", his face showed so much compassion for his sister.  He walked in and knelt before his sister who was sitting on our bed-bench.  "You didn't make a mess of anything Bev".  He took her face and looked her in the eye and said, "What we need here is progress Bev, progress".  He talked to her about discipline and other things and I couldn't help but be so proud of him and how mature he has handled the situation.  So unlike his father who would always, always resolve to criticizing, cutting down and wounding the precious heart of our beloved children.

Last night as we sat with Misi and Silia, myself and Sione and Bev.  On and on these three poured out their minds and their concerns about her and this situation that she has managed to get herself into once again.  All I could do was watch and will my baby the power to be able to correct her ways. On and on they went, round and round, same things said over and over and over.  Bev was bawling and I could just sense the sadness of her realizing the consequences once again of her bad choices.  Mahonrai was standing the whole time listening in from the hallway, shaking his head in disapproval at what his dad is saying to her.  He finally came and sat down and poured out his heart to all of us.  Basically stating, that everything we say means nothing to Bev is she can not feel any compassion from us towards her.   Then he went on, in the most loving way, talking to his sister once again in the manner that I saw him do that one night last week.  Everything he says was base on the love of Christ and how there need to be a change because this is a gospel of change and change unto repentance.  In a loving way he showed his sister how much he loves her and still urges her to make that change and to repent.

When Sil and Misi left, Bev was crying even more because she wanted to go home with them.  Her father was getting even angrier because she was crying.  He started yelling at her and Mahonrai came and got Beverly from the chair and took her into Grandma Peta's room.  Sat her down and once again got on his knees, hold her face and talked straight to her eye to eye.  He said many things to her and then got up and said that he will give her a blessing.  I was at awe once again at his boldness and the way he trust that the Lord will help Bev, by giving her a blessing.  I couldn't help but cry with joy as I witness one of my sons having so much faith as well as magnifying the power of his Priesthood.  After he gave Bev a blessing he came and asked his dad if he could give him a blessing too.  He gave him a blessing and then came and hug Bev and me.  I was so impressed with the respect he still has for his father.  I remember earlier this year, my son Leli, having misunderstood the things Sione said to Bev, came right up to his father and they went at it face to face.  Sione's ways has pushed the two older boys far from him.  They distant themselves from him but here is the youngest Mahonrai, showing respect still and love for his father, even though he is aware of how he is.

Proud as I am of this son, I pray that he will continue to be wise and loving.  When I picked his name, I wanted him to be just like his namesake because Mahonrai was a mighty man that loved the Lord and that the Lord loved him.  He was God fearing and as I always tell my son:  "The Lord always answers Mahonrai's prayers because he would never ask anything that contradicts the Lord's will". My Mahonrai Teancum is a mighty man for such a young age.  He makes me want to be a better mother.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Give Praise This Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving morning my heart is full of praise and gratitude to God and the many blessings He has bestowed upon me and my family.  Given my family circumstances, we have been blessed beyond what we deserve.
I pray that my children will realize just how blessed they are and have an "attitude of gratitude" towards God, people and their surroundings.

With everything that is going on with my husband's health, we have been able to witness the  tender mercies of the Lord through people.  Neighbors, friends and acquaintances.  Take for one, my dear friend and neighbor, Rita Offrett.  I see her as an angel that's been Godsend to help us.  Ever since my husband's accident, she has given us her Expedition to use because I can't drive his truck for it is manual instead of automatic.  She practically gave me the keys and told me to use it whenever I need it because she's not using it.  Who does that now a days?  Especially when we live in a world where most people consider material things more valuable above all things. I use her car to visit my husband in the rehab center and to take him back and forth from his appointments.  Without her car, I don't know how we could manage all my husband's appointments and getting places where we need to get.  I am so grateful for her and I hope we can always be mindful of what others needs are and always lend a helping hand and pay it forward.

I am grateful that my son Mahonrai came home safely from his mission.  For two years he has been gone and serve in North Carolina, Charlotte Mission.  I have missed him and now he is back home.  It was a sweet reunion and I'm so grateful he's back.

I hear good things and bad things through FB.  I've come across so many stories of goodness that people have done to help others and it gives me joy to know that even though these are the worse of times, there still are so many good people who truly cares, love and willing to help others who are not so fortunate.  It's incredible.  As much as we have been recipients of so many good deeds and intentions, I pray for an opportunity to be able to give back to the people and pay it forward.  What good can I do or my family can do to make a difference in another person's life and make their life better.  I try to carry pocket change in my purse because I hate when I stop at a light and see a man or a woman with a sign asking for money and I don't have any in my purse to give.  I don't care what their circumstances in life are, I only want to give while I can give.  I'm not there to judge them.

This Thanksgiving I praise to God for His son Jesus Christ and for FAMILY.  I love them and I can not imagine life without them.  I'm grateful for life itself and the opportunity to still breath and live.  I'm grateful for my heritage and loving parents and grandparents.  I'm grateful for grandchildren and I'm forever grateful for my testimony and membership in His church The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I love my family.  I love God and Christ.  I love people whether I know or don't know them.  I am forever grateful for the role they play in my life

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Joseph Smith, Prophet, Seer and Revelator

This evening I felt a great surge of love and appreciation for our beloved Prophet Joseph smith.  "Praise to the Man" has been a long time favorite hymn of  mine.  Whether I sing it or play it on the piano, it brings such warmth and reverence into my heart for a mere young man who had the desire to find the truth and followed what the scriptures told him by asking God himself.

Joseph Smith's story is old and have been told and retold.  When the missionaries tell the story, I'm in awe over and over again.  I can't imagine ever having to go through life without this wonderful gospel that the Lord restored to the earth through this young humble boy.  Only 14 years old when He saw God and Jesus Christ.  His life was short and as a martyr, Joseph Smith was able to bring forth the will of God in this last dispensation.  We are not without hope.  We are not alone and death certainly is not the end.  Through the Plan of Happiness we will progress into the eternities and the restored gospel, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints shows us how to go back to Heavenly Father.


  1. 1. Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah!
    Jesus anointed that Prophet and Seer.
    Blessed to open the last dispensation,
    Kings shall extol him, and nations revere.
  2. (Chorus]
    Hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven!
    Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain.
    Mingling with Gods, he can plan for his brethren;
    Death cannot conquer the hero again.
  3. 2. Praise to his mem'ry, he died as a martyr;
    Honored and blest be his ever great name!
    Long shall his blood, which was shed by assassins,
    Plead unto heav'n while the earth lauds his fame.
  4. 3. Great is his glory and endless his priesthood.
    Ever and ever the keys he will hold.
    Faithful and true, he will enter his kingdom,
    Crowned in the midst of the prophets of old.
  5. 4. Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven;
    Earth must atone for the blood of that man.
    Wake up the world for the conflict of justice.
    Millions shall know "Brother Joseph" again.
  6. Text: William W. Phelps, 1792-1872
    Music: Scottish folk song
Joseph Smith is a prophet of God.  The fruits of his labor can not be stopped or eradicate.  It is here to stay and will roll forth until it covers the ends of the earth.   "Millions shall know "Brother Joseph" again." And:  "Death can not conquer the hero again."  I love Joseph Smith.  He is truly a prophet of God.  The world may deny, mock and murder him, but his work is not man's work, it's God's work and can not be frustrated. 

Monday, October 24, 2016

True Beauty
When something ghastly or disgusting or ugly is being shared on FB, I normally would just scroll through it and pay no attention wondering why people would share such things.  If anything on FB or social media is not spreading positivity and goodness, I don't want to waste a minute reading or watching it.  My friend Saane Tai'ese Kauvaka's post:
"She is sooooooo sweet.....
Sooooooo brave.....
I think I love her......
Wish I could b more like her....
We all could b more like her.....
My very first thoughts when I got a glimpse of this woman's face was:  "Dang she's ugly!" and this must be some kind of disease story.  My mind was made up that it was probably some story about Anorexia.  But then as I scrolled up, my mind lingered on the nice words that Saane was posting about her and it peaked my curiousity.  Why would she want to be this person. So I scrolled back down and started watching the whole video.  Every word Lizzie Velasquez said, brought tears to my eyes and I was deeply, deeply touched, humbled and moved by her story.

The more I listen to her, the more the light of her inner beauty shines forth from her inside out until it just totally overwhelms her physical defamations and just leaves her so beyond beautiful and full of light and goodness.  I was awe-struck because I realized what I have always known:  That "beauty is only skin deep" and to "never judge a book by its cover".  

Lizzie was brought up with love and kindness.  I can't even begin to imagine the shock of finding out she's been named the "ugliest" woman in the world, in her tender teen-age year of seventeen, must have done to her.  Yet, yes and yet, because she was brought up in such a solid foundation, she was able to overcome such cruelty and crudeness the world threw at her.  She didn't allow these things to get her down.  It fueled her courage to stand and inspire and deliver her message loud and clear that she is not who people think she is, and can not be defined by her outside appearance.  That she is a beautiful human being and within her beats a heart just like everyone else's.

It was interesting to know that the moment she discovered the video of what the world considers, her very first thoughts went out to her beloved mother, mainly because she knows too well how much her mother loves and adores her.  It made me cry even more.  It would definitely tear me to pieces if such cruel things were being said about my own precious children.  As crude as the remarks were, people like to be blunt even when it hurts other people and they were just stating the obvious of what their first impressions were.

Lizzie rose above her circumstances.  What bravery and it takes guts to turn things around for her to become such a great inspiration and role model to young women around the world.   This is the kind of role model the world needs.  Beauty is fleeing.  I've seen beautiful women who are so flawless and gorgeous, but once they open their mouths, everything beautiful about them flies out the door because they are vile, unkind, blasphemous and obnoxious.  Right here is true beauty.  Inner beauty.  The beauty that last and far outshines any physical dispositions.  Even that of Neonatal Progeroid Syndrome.  Saane is right.  We should or I should be more like Lizzie Velasquez.

Sunday, September 18, 2016


Lately I've been trying to deal with the realization that I've slowly loosing my mind.  No, not going crazy, but my sense of creativity and sensibility.  This morning I'm strongly prompted to write because it dawns on me that the reason I'm feeling like this is because I haven't been taking care of myself.  My mind especially.  These past couple of years have been tough especially since I've had my grandchildren.  Battling not only to take care of my share at home but also to take care of them as the instability of their circumstances at home pushed me to assume the responsibility of caring and doting on them.  Now, their mother finally realizes that if she doesn't change something, her daughters are bound to be closer to me then to her.  So she resolved to working part time and taking back her children.  Now they call her mommy instead of calling me mommy.  She saw how attached they were to me and wanted that closeness for herself so she did something about it and I'm so proud of her. 

The struggles I've had with my Bev left me sleepless at night and roaming the hallways of my house from dusk 'til dawn trying to keep an eye on her.  For months this went on and I've often wondered whether there ever come a time that I'll have decent sleep.  The other night I was babysitting my grand-nephew and wondering how in the world I ever did it with 7 children.  Seeing all these mothers on my FB page and how active there are with their own children and family leaves me in awe and again, makes me wonder how I did it with 7 children.  But then again, I am 52 years old and may be in a better state of mind then I was at 25 when I had my very first child, but definitely not better energy level in the young body of my 20s.  I am getting old.

What I crave at the stage of life I'm in now is CLARITY.  I hate to admit it but clarity is a finicky little thing.  One has to be fastidious and punctilious otherwise one's view will be doomed to be clouded and obstructed.   One has to be well rounded in body, mind and soul.  By this I mean, you have to take care of yourself and I feel like the very first step to take is to make sure you have enough sleep at night and is well rested.  Yes, I've said it.   Get enough sleep! No more late night movies and staying up trying to bust an all-nighter.  No more sitting up on FB for endless hours into the night.  Set a bedtime and go to sleep.

One of the revelation that the Lord revealed to Joseph Smith was the "Words of Wisdom".  This set of rules was given so we can take better care of ourselves.  I have totally ignored this set of rules. This morning that was the first thing I thought about when I open my eyes.  "Keep the Words of Wisdom".  The Lord was answering my pleas.  I've been praying for Clarity and here's my answer.   In D&C 88:124  "Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated." It's a wonder I haven't totally lose my sanity.  I haven't been keeping these Words of Wisdoms for a long time now.

Clarity is within my reach and doable.  I just need to organize myself from this chaos that I'm currently in.  Start simple and be consistent.  I've perhaps pride myself in being able to survive through chaos and disorder.  Now, it's taking a toll and I need order and organization.  Every Sunday it seems, a perfect day to start.  Then come Mondays, everything falls apart just to start again the next Sunday.  It's time to stop and take my life back.

Great.  Now I have to start writing setting goals again and writing them down.  What else can I do with myself?  I don't have any kids at home anymore to take up my time.  Panicking time is over, I can do more with the time I have to myself.  Get Clarity back and start helping and serving others.  I know what to do now.  It's time to do what the Lords have always wanted me to do:
D&C 88:119  "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

Monday, August 15, 2016

Almost Empty Nesters

My heart is heavy just thinking about becoming empty nesters with my Mr.  Almost all the kids are gone.  I only have two at home.  My Papi and my Leli.  In a couple of months they will both be leaving.  Pati on her mission for 18 months and Leli will be married and a goner he will be.  It pulls at my heartstrings because already, I miss all my children so very much.  It's funny because while striving to provide and take care of my family, here and there I was pretty anxious for them to hurry up and grow up and leave the house.  Then there comes a time where, I wish they'll stay forever.  Now, one by one they leave and as much as my heart clings to them, I have to let them go.

Tears brink to fall all the time when I think about each and everyone of their faces.  Their beloved faces.  Where has time gone?  I ask this all the time.  Yesterday they were but my babies, nourished from my breasts and raised with so much love.  Where has time gone?  Again and again I ask.  It's as if I blinked my eyes and already they're all grown up.  I cling to sweet memories because that is all I have left.  Sweet memories of my babies.  I know they'll come back every now and then to visit, but change is coming and it's inevitable that I will be alone with my darling husband just the two of us just like how we first started this family.  However, we both know that our lives have been decorated and blessed by our very own children and grand-children.

Who knows what the future will bring?  We can only "hope" for the best and put our complete trust in God's hand.  For ourselves and our children.  Even people everywhere for every soul deserves the best.  I can hope that my children have learned some important things about life from me.  That I have taught them what they need to go forth and be productive citizens and people.  To love God and trust Him in everything that they do.  That they will never turn their backs on God and family.  That they may be kind to others and be forgiving and tolerate others.

I pray that my children will learn to love others unconditionally and always to be kind.  I don't ever want them to settle.  They have to keep chasing their dreams no matter what it is.  One day I'll be gone and I'd like to think I've left a rich legacy of faith and love behind with them.  To continue to live and love life because you only live ONCE.  Life is to have pure joy and many times our trials and tribulations can suck the joy out of us, but they have to remember always, that those moments shall pass and there will always be a rainbow at the end of the storm.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

God's Love

This week's email to my missionary who's serving in Charlotte, NC.

Hi son,

Just thought I'd send you an email about a very interesting experience I had last Thursday. It's still fresh on my mind and I'm afraid if I don't write you about it I might forget altogether.
Driving up to Park City through Provo canyon we had an incredible view of the magnificent mountains and waterfalls that left me breathless and in awe at the beauty of it all. Nature never fail to sing God's praise and His infinite wisdom. I don't know what it was but I was just overwhelmed to tears taking in the thought that everything He created was for our joy. I cried. As insignificant as we may seem (for from dust were created and to dust we will return), we are literally His children. My heart opened up for the very first time in my very existence to finally comprehend the immense love God has for all His children. It was amazing as if my whole being broke free from this mortal body and I can feel my spirit connected with love to every single human being under the sun. I've often wondered how could God love every single one of His children but now I can finally comprehend it. It may be a fraction of how He loves but boy, it set fire to my soul. Words can not describe the depth of love I felt.
It really doesn't matter who were are, where we are in life, poor, rich, sinners or righteous, black, brown or white. He loves us all the same. He loves us unconditionally. His love is pure and complete and knows no boundary. Not one soul is lost to Him, His all knowing eyes sees all of us for who we are and still He loves us. No one is beyond his reach. When our hearts comprehend God's love, we are no longer strangers but friends, our human race.

Isn't that remarkable? It made me understand that we can say one to another: "I don't know you, but I love you". You don't have to know anyone personally to love them and whether they are bad or good, you love them despite their weaknesses and shortcomings. His love embraces all and welcomes all. He loves us enough to allow us our free agency and even when we fail and make wrong decisions, He is always there to love us. He is with us in our tragedies and our sorrows. He is with us in our trials and tribulations. Come what may, He never leaves us. It's only us that leaves Him.

On your mission you are able to learn more about God's love and the reason why He sends missionaries out. You will experience it if you open up your heart and allow yourself not to limit the way you love to how you perceive a person. You love for the sake of love because that is how our Father in Heaven loves.

I just thought I'd share this with you son. Every now and then in this life you'll have a "WOW" moment and this was one of them for me. This life is amazing. God created everything in this world to give us joy. It's how we live it and how we love that will truly provide us that fullness of joy.

I love you son,


Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Forgotten Mother

I have an older friend that lives by herself in one of the condominiums down the street.  Sweet lady and yesterday she had asked me to come over for an afternoon chat for she was feeling a little lonely.  After saying good-bye to my grandchildren, I headed out to see her.  I'll just refer to her as "P".  We started talking about different things and naturally, our conversation took a turn to her family.  I asked her how many children she has and she said 3.  Reluctantly she admits that she hardly sees them.  For years now she hasn't even seen her oldest son Jason.  He lives up in the Day Break area.  Her daughter lives in West Jordan and another daughter in Hurricane Utah.  The daughter from West Jordan visits may be once every quarter and it's been years since she last seen her Jason.  Tears threaten her eyes and her voice a little shaky as she speaks of them.  I can see that she'd prefer to see them more often.

"P" was married in the temple and after 3 children, she left her husband and took off with another man.  She stated that the day she divorced her first husband, her son Jason decided to divorce her.  For years she became inactive in the church and an Alcoholic.  Married the second husband for about 13 years and he left her for another woman.  Now she lives alone, a recovering alcoholic and back in the church.  The ward members have been so wonderful to her.  Patient in working with her and joy is beyond measure now that she's back.  Her only dread now is her son Jason.  He had been a member of the Bishopric.  A member of the Stake Presidency and yet, hardly does he acknowledge his mother.  That she is still alive and getting old and that perhaps he can forgive her for what she did.

So many things boggled my mind.  She asked the question:  "Whatever happens to Honoring Thy Mother and Father".  I'm wondering, shouldn't Jason, by being this Spiritual leader, shouldn't he realize that it is a commandment to Honor Thy Father and Mother without any conditions.  Our Tongan culture does not allow us to abandon our elderly in a Rest Home or anyone else's home.  We take care of our own.  I'm reminded of something that Les Brown the motivational speaker said:  "Our mother took care of 10 children and she was only one.  Why can't 10 children take care of one mother..."  Something like that.  It is beyond me.

"P" is surrounded by so many good and loving people in the ward.  She's blessed to have a second chance.  Some people are not so blessed and at that age, pass on with no opportunity to redeem themselves.  That is sad.  Jason as "P" puts it, drives around his Jaguar and lives in what's known in Daybreak, "Campbell Palace".  Apparently, Jason is wealthy.  Not only in material things but also in Spiritual things.  The only thing that's lacking is that, he seems to have forgotten he still has a mother and she's still alive!

My younger brothers have had fall outs with our father.  Our father lives with my sister in Magna.  I make sure I do a weekly visit or more to see him and if he needs anything.  Sadly, my brothers have been indifferent and negligence towards my father which I find very very sad. I think I may have mentioned it before, a couple years ago.  One day I know they will regret not treating my father better then the way they are doing now.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

He's Got the Whole World In His Hands

The older I get, the clearer I see God's hand in everything under the sun.  People make choices and have no idea how shattering the consequences will be and God does His best to intervene without interfering with our Free Agency to choose.  He knows us and He knows that without His intervention, we'd all end up where we don't want to be.  So He created the plan of Happiness having His son make the Ultimate Sacrifice so we, His children, can know and feel His unending and unconditional love for us.  His son Jesus Christ ransomed us with His blood so when we repent, our sins can all be forgiven.

My heart can not fathom the endless mercy and grace that a loving Heavenly Father has for all His children.   In everything that we do, He's always there trying His best to salvage us from the mess that we make in all our lives.  These past few weeks my family struggled aimlessly and hopelessly for some kind of relief from the chaos that perhaps, many family goes through, yet to us was all new as we panicked and did some things that really didn't help improve our predicament.  But ever so slowly as things began to unfold and when every solution seemed to have been exhausted, I begin to see that the Mighty hands of the Lord had always been there right from the very beginning. Watching, caring, prompting and desperately trying to assist us in the depth of our hopelessness.   

To-day, on my way to work, as I sat alone in the near empty hall of the Front-runner, I was enfolded in the warmth of Heavenly Father's loving arms.  I felt it as surely as I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face. Assuring me, that when I put my faith and hope in Him and put Him first,  when I try to Keep all His commandments, everything will work out.   Things happened so unexpectedly in our favor.  What we thought was eventually not a good disposition turned out to be a way out.  People we thought would cause us distress, turned out to be a blessing to us.  It's as if a web have been weaved and padded to cushion our family when we fall.  Almost like trying to sew our family quilt together to a certain pattern and some pieces are either missing or sewn together wrong.  Therefore, there's a need to be taken apart to be resewn together correctly.  This "taken apart" can come in the form of failure, heartache, pain, disappointment, betrayal and confusion.  It hurts like hell and no one is immune and we can not do it on our own at any time.  Only with God and Christ are we able to conquer all our foes, afflictions and weaknesses.

In small things and in big things, from the beginning and until the end, God has always been there and will always be there for us.  Like some of the lyrics to an old favorite song:  "In His Hands, He's Got the Whole World...He's got the Whole Wide World in His Hands."  Just about two weeks ago our Bev and her cousin Ange went on a Friday night and didn't return home until morning.  We were up the whole night worrying.  Sione was at the hospital while I was trying to make sure things run smoothly in our home.  Everything fell apart this night.  We needed to send Bev away and my heart broke into million pieces because I know how much I'm going to miss her.  I don't know if she was going to miss home, but, I already felt how much I was going to miss her and I do so as I'm writing right now.  The fact that Sisilia and Misi were up in Provo was just what we needed to get Bev away from here and this environment.  She may not realize it, but it was necessary for us to do this.  I know she was hurting and probably thinking that we are sending her away because we don't love her.  It was tearing me apart.  The night she left I was up all night crying.  She came home for Father's Day and that night was a total disaster.  At the end of the night as they were about to depart to Provo, she got her father (as he was discharged that Saturday before Father's Day), and I together in a hug.  Words can not describe the love I have for this girl.  My Beverly Shania.  She told us she loved us and they left.

My new job takes me to Provo.  I can visit Bev whenever I want.  Her sister and Misi said she's doing great out there.  When I paid them a visit last week, she actually told me she likes it there.  She has an incredible support team from her Bishop, her youth leaders and Silly and Misi.  It's going to be a long road for all of us but with God's help, everything will fall into place.  I love my Bevvy girl and I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who loves me perfectly even with all my imperfections.  As always, with God, nothing is impossible.  The love of a mother for her children is like nothing in this world. 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

The Box

June 10th, 2016

Yesterday our Ali girl relinquishes everything my son had given her before he left on his mission.  I’m not sure who’s taking it harder, me, my girls or my son.  We all loved Ali so much.  Of course I had my doubts merely because she was just too young, but my son was so sure.  Ali was his very first true love and I remember clearly the night he introduced her to me.  After a huge win in their football game and all he wanted was for me and the rest of the family to be nice to her.  We couldn’t help it though, Ali stole all our hearts with her innocence, sweetness and sincerity.  The difference between us and her was that of night and day.  She came from a wealthy family and we were poor as dirt but we had one thing she didn’t have and that was, the love of a “FAMILY”.   Her parents were divorced, she lived with her sister and mom in a big old house by themselves and she embraced all of us like the family she never had.  So sweet, so giving and she loved us. 

Last we saw Ali was during Bingham’s High School graduation last year.  She graduated together with Pati.  After that she was in full preparation mode for college and off she went.  We all missed her and then slowly the news trickled in that she already acquired a boyfriend.  At first I felt devastation for my son because I knew how much he was counting on her waiting for him.  He often said I jinxed it for them because I told him straight to his face:  “These relationships rarely worked.  Ali is too young and people change when they go on their mission.”  I was speaking from experience as I had two boyfriends that left on their mission.  I thought I’d never get over it but after 2 months, I was good.  It was on to better things and more boyfriends.  Ali was going through the same thing.  Puppy love for her but for my Mo, she was his world.  Well, I had warned him that he didn’t need any girlfriend to mess with his head before he leaves on his mission but he insisted that he can handle it.  I know he’s already adjusted to the fact that there won’t be any Ali waiting with a sign:  “WELCOME HOME ELD. TOKI” at the airport.  Two years was simply too long of a time to wait.

Seeing her yesterday was bittersweet.  She’s still the bright-eyed, sweet and gentle girl that we know.  Same heart-warming smile that stole our hearts through her sincerity and love.  She still loves us and we can tell, but something has definitely changed and that’s the way life goes.  We can’t stop change no matter how hard we try.  When she finally bid her farewells, we hugged and say our “I love you’s”.  Sadly I have a feeling we will probably not going to ever see our Ali girl again.  

After she left we all gather round the forlorn looking box.  It was not sealed or taped.  We opened it and the girls let out their  “Awh’s and Ohh’s” as we dig through the items one by one.  Everything from jewelry, candies, $1 bill, $20 Gold Coin and his State Championship ring.  Everything was returned in an absolute good condition.  She hadn’t left one thing for herself and that goes to show, she’s done and have moved on.  My heart was heavy as I held his beautiful football ring up.   All we have in this life is memories.  They are treasures of how we lived and loved.  Things like these, reminds us of seasons in the past.  Times and people that has shaped our hearts and we either hold their memories dear to us to make us smile again and again or make us weep with longing and sadness for what we’ve lost.  We’ve lost our Ali girl but I know her friendship remains with us inside our hearts.  We are grateful that we got to know her and had a moment in time with her and her family.  We’ve learned unconditional love and she gives of everything she can afford to give us.  From furniture, to dishes, clothes, shoes and the very bed we sleep in.  Through her the Lord was able to meet our needs at that specific time and place.  The Lord always works in mysterious ways.  Mostly it’s through people that He’s able to provide for His children that are in need.  He gave us Ali in a time where we needed her the most.

Perhaps my Mahonrai will eventually find someone else to replace Ali in his heart.  He’s got a future so bright that I am so excited to watch it unfold.  I know that he will be blessed because he is a very obedient son.  A hard worker and he strives faithfully everyday to fulfill Heavenly Father’s will.  He will get what he deserves and he deserves the best.  So for now we bid fare-thee-well to our Ali girl.  Another time, another place, we all shall meet again our dear sweet friend.  If not in this life, perhaps in the next.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Selfie Controversy

So for the first time in the midst of this "SELFIE" era, I was bold enough to take a selfie and post it on FB.  I've always wondered how it's like to take your own picture and not seem vain, egotistical and obnoxious.  I mean, it was okay for me to see other people do it, but when I do it, that is exactly what it would feel like.

Well, yesterday I wanted to eliminate any kind of filterations or alterations.  I just wanted a raw, natural look that shows that I am a confident, self assured woman.  That I am aware of my strength as a woman and really don't need make-up or hairstylist to boost my confidence.  So I took a couple, chose one and post it.

Before you know it.  I got a lot of "likes" instantly and a lot of kind comments from my FB friends.  I also got demanded by my darling husband to remove my selfie post from FB because it looks inappropriate.  I was actually shocked that he thought this way but then again looking at my messy hair, I think I kind of understand where he's coming from.  However, I've never been one to be pressured with demands and if he wanted me to remove my selfie, I needed better reason then being inappropriate.  I told him that's not a good enough reason to take my perfectly innocent post off the FB.

So, at about midnight, someone in the family deleted my post from FB.  Since it wasn't one of my children that deleted it, I can only assume it was my hubby that deleted it.  It was hard to tell who was lying since everyone has access to my FB account of all our phones and tablets.  Because my blog can not be accessed by anyone else in the family but me, I decided that I will prolong my very first selfie in history right here.  LOL.  

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Social Media

As much as I enjoy Social Media, I have experienced the down side of it.  Technology is astounding in the many ways it has improved communication, transportation and improvisation of the way we live in general.  But the down side can be equally as devastating especially when it's placed in the hands of irresponsible teenagers and adults as well.  When my children asked if they can create a MySpace (that is so old and seems like eons ago) and Facebook, I didn't mind because I had one and I could monitor what they do.  Then out of the blues come Snapchat, Instagram and Musically and I find I could not keep up with monitoring.  Its sucks because with everything else that is going on in my life, I didn't grasp the seriousness of not keeping track of these apps as we have been warned by our Leaders every General Conference. Well, let's just say that because I failed to pay attention to these things, what I discovered almost made me want to pray for a lightning bolt to strike down my two youngest girls.  Almost.

May be it was a way God was showing me He loves me and loves my girls.  He's giving me a chance to pay attention to what is going on under my very nose with these two.  They forgot to log out of their Snapchat accounts that led me to discover the horrendous activities that has been going on in their chats with certain friends and people and what has really been going on in the lives.  All I could think of was:  "Where did we fail as parents?"  Oh, I think I know.  It's probably from not paying attention to the small details of our very own family life and marriage.  Not doing the basics that is required by the Lord and to build a solid foundation for my children.  Especially the two younger ones.  Yes, I can point my finger at my children but sadly, 4 of them are pointing back at me as a mother. 

We had them delete their Snapchat, Instagram and Bev still had her Musically.  Of course I logged into that and found some of the songs these kids are doing are totally crappy, vulgar and degrading.  Had her delete some of the songs that swears and put up the middle finger.  SMH.  Now I just need to have her delete it altogether because the second time I went in to monitor her Musically, I couldn't find her.  Mele said she put hers on Private.  What the heck?  I have to put my foot where my mouth is with these two girls.  They are shady as Hell!  If they want to do a Musically, they can do it on Pati's account.  Pati seems to be the only one responsible enough to have any of these things.  My auntie Mele Massey had to dye my hair the Saturday before because Grays were taking over and I think my two youngest daughters turned my crown Gray overnight.  Oh the agony!!!

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Beverly Shania

     This morning I actually entertained the thought of putting my Beverly Shania in a Private School.  I know the reason why the thought never entered my mind before was because of how expensive it is.  Almost like going to college!  Phew.  On Facebook I saw my cousin Toli post up an acceptance letter for her little Martha to an Episcopal school and those schools are so expensive but out there in San Francisco, they make major money on being a Nanny.  Dolls work for United Airlines from home and at night she watches these babies sleep while their rich parents sleep in their own rooms right next to it.  Gets paid up to $22 per hour just to watch them sleep.  Amazing what money can do.

     Anyways, we've been going through some things with my precious Bev.  Things that I've never thought we would go through as parents, nonetheless, we've been reluctantly and dreadfully crossing our fingers that none of our children will come to us with this.  Just when we thought we were out of the woods with raising good and wholesome children, this last one throws us a curve ball that totally floors us to the pits of what really feels like hell.  That is why I am considering putting her in a Private LDS school that cost $500 a month.  The days of allowing money to stand in my way is gone.  I've finally learn the ways of life that if you want something, well, you've just got to get out of your comfort zone and go get it.  I felt like I've been such a coward all my life.  Allowing my circumstances to limit me.  It's sad that it took me this look to figure it out, but such is the ways of life sometimes.  Some takes longer to learn, some latches on right away and then there are those who never seems to learn.  I have been a slow learner.

     When I first began to bear children, I made a promise to God that if He takes care of my children, I will make sure that I will teach and do everything in my power to have them know His will and keep all His commandments.  God did His part but I sorely lacked on mine.  I wasn't consistent.  I was slothful and sometimes indifferent.  Yes, that is the right word.  Indifferent to God because I didn't always know how to deal well with my refinement.  I know this life is a probationary state and when we endure hardship, we are suppose to endure them well.  This wasn't always the case.  Instead of turning to Him ALL the time for strength and guidance, I turned to myself thinking I can do it all.  I don't need His help and sometimes I asked the question:  "What's the use?"  I was giving up.  Giving up on my children and myself. 

"What's the use?"  

*  Because we are off-springs of a Heavenly Father  who loves us and wants us back with Him
*  Because the worth of souls is great
*  Because I love my children and they are worth the fight
*  Because I love myself and I am worth fighting for
*  Because life doesn't end here on this earth.  Our spirits live forever into all the eternities and infinity
    and we do not want to spend forever in the misery of all our sins if we don't repent 
*  Because we all deserve the best of what God intents for us to have.
*  Because our Savior Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and the only Begotten Son of God came and laid down His life for us.  That is how much He loves us.  We will not take that for granted.

     My Beverly Shania may think she can get away with what she does.  She's got another thing coming.  We've made it a family mission to see that she's protected, looked after and well loved by each and every one of us.  The parable of the Good Shepherd who left the 99 in search of the 1 has never been so meaningful now.  It's not that the 1 is worth more, but because He is a good Shepherd and every last one of his sheep are worth the same to Him.  She may consider herself the "black sheep" of the family.  She'll be white as snow when we're done with her.  With God on our side, we can never go wrong.  I love each and every one of my children so much.  They are worth fighting for.  

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Piano Lessons and Second Chances

For years I've been contemplating teaching piano lessons.  Never had the confidence and I keep wondering if this new self-confidence and boldness comes with old age and questioning why I didn't have it before.  I started my first lessons this past Wednesday and it wasn't as scary as I always imagined it would be.  I'm going through a phase in life that almost feels like a redemption state where I'm being given a second chance to do everything I've ever wanted to do.  I'm glimpsing at a very faint light at the end of the tunnel being aware that this mortality is ending sooner then I expected.  As a young girl, I felt as if this life is so long and dragging.  Now as a middle age mother and grandmother, time is no longer my friend.  I'm pressed for time and it's running out on me.

Being a grand-mother makes me see what I lacked before as a mom.  Being older and wiser allows me to see more clearly that without faith and total dependency on God and His son Jesus Christ, the impossibility of it all can be overwhelming, tragic and lonely.  My relationship with God and Jesus Christ is my lifeline.  This life journey can sometimes pull you away from them but when you acknowledge their hands in everything in this world, then your very existence is assured and that is when you can find true joy in everything and every situation even your trials and tribulations.   That happiness doesn't depend on any material things, that happiness is a state of mind and it is available and not limited to anyone no matter where you are and what you have.

This Piano Lessons is teaching me more about myself and how incredible our minds can be.  How much we take for granted this power that we already possess.  That old and familiar quote:  "You are what you think you are", nails it completely.  Once our minds are made up, nothing can be impossible and with God's help, the possibilities are endless. 

I am forever grateful for my upbringing and my heritage.  My faith and the immense joy and peace that comes with it.  I know that this gospel of Jesus Christ is what keeps me steady and focus to endure my afflictions with grace and acceptance.  Whenever I face a difficult and complex situation, I can face it with a smile on my face and bright hope that  "this too shall pass".  I've said it before and I say it again.  There is no use kicking and screaming, whining and murmuring in regards to our trials the obstacles that comes our way.  Endure well your afflictions, don't loose faith and you will see, everything will fall into place.   I live gratefully and lovingly each and every day.  Everything I have are truly blessings that comes from a loving Father in Heaven and my Redeemer Jesus Christ.

Sunday, January 10, 2016


First post this new year.  10 days after and finally have the time to think straight, exhale and focus.  From day one, I was in and out of the hospital.  Husband had surgery for his Chrons and son Leli tore his ACL and had to have surgery of all days, on the 31st.  Momma Peta was sick also, so in between three rooms delivering, soothing and disbursing of medications.  Eventually, Momma Peta ended up at the ER and in remission currently from her sickness.  In addition to this, before my husband was hospitalized, we started running this Polynesian Hot Food Plates.  It's has always been my husband's dream to run his own restaurant.  This is not exactly a restaurant but it's a start.  At first I didn't want to do it because of his health.  Seeing how much he wanted it though changed my mind and now I'm discovering I can do magic in the kitchen area.  Who would have thought? 

Life has never been so precious to me now that I'm airborne mid-lifing.  I pray that I have taught my children well to continue our family lineage with honor and dignity.  To continue being God-fearing and God loving people because this very existence is a gift from God Himself.  2015 was a year of realization and self-discovery.  2016 will be a year of success for we have been given opportunities that was never available to us before.  So many people have helped us along the way.  Now it's our turn to help others.  Balancing my daily schedule is very hectic.  Between watching the two grandbabies, delivering kids to school, cooking and taking care of my patients at home, I feel like a walking zombie ready to collapse.  I have to take of myself to be able to take care of others and that means balancing Spiritually, Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.  I haven't even begin to do my personal scripture study because I'm so exhausted by the end of the day.

I'm thrilled for a lot of reasons and I'm praying that one of them will include my son Leli getting married this year.  What a wonderful event that would be.  In November my son Eld. Mahonrai Teancum Toki will be returning from his mission.  I have to get ready for his return.  I've missed him so much and love him so much.  The only ones that are giving me a headache are my three youngest girls.  Boy, with bickering, screaming, singing, volleyball, basketball and all, they can drive me crazy. 

Bring on 2016.  There are great goals to be reached this year.