Sunday, September 18, 2016


Lately I've been trying to deal with the realization that I've slowly loosing my mind.  No, not going crazy, but my sense of creativity and sensibility.  This morning I'm strongly prompted to write because it dawns on me that the reason I'm feeling like this is because I haven't been taking care of myself.  My mind especially.  These past couple of years have been tough especially since I've had my grandchildren.  Battling not only to take care of my share at home but also to take care of them as the instability of their circumstances at home pushed me to assume the responsibility of caring and doting on them.  Now, their mother finally realizes that if she doesn't change something, her daughters are bound to be closer to me then to her.  So she resolved to working part time and taking back her children.  Now they call her mommy instead of calling me mommy.  She saw how attached they were to me and wanted that closeness for herself so she did something about it and I'm so proud of her. 

The struggles I've had with my Bev left me sleepless at night and roaming the hallways of my house from dusk 'til dawn trying to keep an eye on her.  For months this went on and I've often wondered whether there ever come a time that I'll have decent sleep.  The other night I was babysitting my grand-nephew and wondering how in the world I ever did it with 7 children.  Seeing all these mothers on my FB page and how active there are with their own children and family leaves me in awe and again, makes me wonder how I did it with 7 children.  But then again, I am 52 years old and may be in a better state of mind then I was at 25 when I had my very first child, but definitely not better energy level in the young body of my 20s.  I am getting old.

What I crave at the stage of life I'm in now is CLARITY.  I hate to admit it but clarity is a finicky little thing.  One has to be fastidious and punctilious otherwise one's view will be doomed to be clouded and obstructed.   One has to be well rounded in body, mind and soul.  By this I mean, you have to take care of yourself and I feel like the very first step to take is to make sure you have enough sleep at night and is well rested.  Yes, I've said it.   Get enough sleep! No more late night movies and staying up trying to bust an all-nighter.  No more sitting up on FB for endless hours into the night.  Set a bedtime and go to sleep.

One of the revelation that the Lord revealed to Joseph Smith was the "Words of Wisdom".  This set of rules was given so we can take better care of ourselves.  I have totally ignored this set of rules. This morning that was the first thing I thought about when I open my eyes.  "Keep the Words of Wisdom".  The Lord was answering my pleas.  I've been praying for Clarity and here's my answer.   In D&C 88:124  "Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated." It's a wonder I haven't totally lose my sanity.  I haven't been keeping these Words of Wisdoms for a long time now.

Clarity is within my reach and doable.  I just need to organize myself from this chaos that I'm currently in.  Start simple and be consistent.  I've perhaps pride myself in being able to survive through chaos and disorder.  Now, it's taking a toll and I need order and organization.  Every Sunday it seems, a perfect day to start.  Then come Mondays, everything falls apart just to start again the next Sunday.  It's time to stop and take my life back.

Great.  Now I have to start writing setting goals again and writing them down.  What else can I do with myself?  I don't have any kids at home anymore to take up my time.  Panicking time is over, I can do more with the time I have to myself.  Get Clarity back and start helping and serving others.  I know what to do now.  It's time to do what the Lords have always wanted me to do:
D&C 88:119  "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;